Unalive Not Dead

2005-04-10T15:57:00.000+08:00

I'm looking for someone who will care,
With whom my problems I can share,
I'm looking for someone who understands,
with whom we can be true friends,

I complain that I'm not loved enough,
I complain that life is too tough,
I wish all day for someone special,
I wish I was another girl,

I'm stuck in my own fantasy world,
my problems are too many to handle,
I feel that nobody unerstands me,
but I yearn not to be lonely

You think you know me so darn well,
but the most important thing you forgot to tell,
as I human being I want to be respected,
and wanting acknowledgement can be expected

I want you to respect me privacy,
for reasons you can't seem to see,
you're childish, immature and self centered,
to you your ego is all that mattered

You poke your nose where it isn't wanted,
to get your way, me you manipulated,
I was weak, stupid and naive,
desperately hoping you oculd take away my grief.

Only yesterday, I was more than ready to slap you if you brought up that topic but today, I went to church and came back and realised that I'm not perfect either. SO I'm ready to forgive you, you don't even have to say sorry because frankly, I don't care. I just hope you know that you have hurt me by intruding my privacy so and never again will I ever tell you anything that truly matters. I'm sorry for you and I certainly hope you will never ever hurt anyone the way you have to me. You know who you are.

2005-04-07T15:16:00.000+08:00

Hello... Yunyun complain that it has been a long time since I blogged so I decided to ignore all my accounts homework and come online. It has been a long time since I blogged actually. Nothing much has happened. My results have been ok although some have been quite depressing like Bio and English for example. Others have been very surprising like Physics. Expected to fail it to be honest. But who cares about exams? It's over and that's all that matters. My brain isn't working right so I'm sorry if what I type doesn't make sense. I'm really sleepy and I haven't slept before one for a week. I slept at three since last Thursday until Saturday and two on Sat and Monday nights. Tuesday about one thirty I think and yesterday night, I slept at one. Why? Because W called me last night. I was quite angry at him when I saw him on Saturday. I refused to talk to him. The only thing I said to him was "you first day know me ar?" when he said I looked mad. And throughout the meeting I was really quiet because his presence annoyed me. I think I only said "Do you really need to be told that W is stupid?" to SY. Then that evening he called me and asked me if I was mad at him and I said no and then Yun scolded me for saying no when I was actually mad at him. The next day I Smsed him asking him is he wanted his present which I had gotten for him. The Sms was quite an angry one. He then called ma at 2 and wel, we talked. He asked me to understand that he really was busy and raelly wanted to take the present but couldn't and blah blah. Then I said ok. Then MOnday night he called again. Then Tuesday night he called again. Then yesterday night he called again. =) I'm feeling much better now that I've talked to him. But right now he's merajuking becaue I don't want to tell him who I like. Like little girl only.

2005-03-19T12:27:00.000+08:00

Just back from training again. This time thankfully, we didn't march. We did home nursing instead. If I'm ever a nurse, which I will never be because i find it boring, I will never work in Gleneagles either because their uniform is also pink. We did dressing today and the dressing kit was so nice and clean until mdm touched it. I just love clean things. Haha. She's quite nice I guess. Nicer than I had expected. Anyway, last Sunday,a lot of things happened. Happy things thankfully. I went to a dinner with my mum at her friend's house. I gained a 58 year old admirer there. Haha. Jk. I heard a lot of stories about weird doctors which is giving seocnd thought about ever becoming one. I heard about a doctor who thinks he's better than everybody else and scolds the med reps until they cry. And if stocks come later than the time he asked it to come, the rep will end up crying again. And even when he goes to the store (of the company) the people there are scared of him The version I heard goes like this.
"He park his big BMW in front of you and then all the store people call me. 'oi, cepat datang dia sudah datang'"
Haha, it's as if he's the end of the world. I heard this version from one of the managers. But this dr is a good dr. I've been to hima bout twice before and he's nott hat scary. I guess one can't be scary to ones patients right?
And then there was this 'sochai' (stupid boy) doctor as well. Who also happens to be a paediatrician and also a very good doctor. He basically lets his patients and nurses climb all over his head. What is with paediatricians anyway? But what I heard about this dr is that is his patients are quite poor then he won't charge them. That's so sweet. Wonder is he has a son...? Hehe...
Anyway, exams are this Monday so I don't know why I'm on the internet. I'm going to die so remember Yun, I want you to take care of my grand collection of bfs ok? Hehe. Don't worry, no more gay guy inside. I kicked Jason out remember? Haha.
I've finished doing notes for Bio, I'm going to fail Chem because it is BORING! I prefer to study History than Chem... can you believe it? I prefer History to science! But that doesn't mean I like history. I'm going to fail history too because we're practically expected to memorise the whole book and I can't even memorise one page. History is stupid. Who cares about the past anyway? Shouldn't we be thinking forward and not backward. Shouldn't we plan where to go from the present and not wonder where we were in the past? Unfortunately, we are forced to care about the past because I need to get straight A1s in SPM and get a scholarship because my parents can't afford my studies. Life sucks.

2005-03-12T13:13:00.000+08:00

just back from training, gosh I'm going to die there. I'm still trying to figure out how the heck we beat SMKK. We basically did everything wrong with no proper order... how are we going to go for state comp? Gosh I'm so scared. I want to win but... how? Oh well, nevermind.
I missed the Leo interview but there will be a second interview after the exams. EXAMS! I'm going to die. I'm going to fail Chem, Physics, Bio, Bm, English, Moral... everything. Add math mod math... everything! Gosh. I don't know what to do. I can't have a red mark on my report card but I think I will and I don't know what to do. I'm just going to die. I don't understand anything especially after missing so many classes for the stupid marching practices. I just so regret joining. Aaahhhhhhhhh!!!!! Competition is right after exam so we can't practice the week before. NCO is actually the weekend before exam so I'm not going and Sir is really pissed. He said he recommended some people and fought for us to go and then now no one wants to go. And gosh, he shouts real loud. Anyway, blog happy things, blog happy things... I have nothing happy to blog...
My life is a mess right now... I just need to pull it back together right? It can't be that hard can it? My computer is in a big mess too. Stupid computer guy... more and more spyware stuff is coming in and ggaarrrrhhhh... it's just bad temptation with all the obscene stuff popping up, not temptation for me but... I know I shouldn't underestimate him but really, he smokes, he gambles a bit, if porn is going to pop up right in front of him, why shouldn't he see it right? It's just not right, what is this world becoming?
I hate this world, I hate my life, I just hate everything. I don't know, whatever.

2005-03-05T19:23:00.000+08:00

I can go online! Anyway, so much has been happening, I'm thinking of starting another blog where I can let other people read meaning no private things inside meaning not much good. So anyway, I'm vying for the IT Director post in Leo eventhough I'm not very IT savvy. But I'm not exactly IT dumb either I guess, at least that's what I would like to believe. We won't be firing out useless vice chairman, sadly. We will only wait for him to step down after which I will not get the post. But scolding people is fun so I'm quite happy with being just a DO. It's a good outlet for all the stress I've got. Apparently I fit the post quite well because Jon Hiu seems to be afraid of me, or rather he said I was scary, Huang Ming also said I was scary. I kissed my baby brad last Saturday. I did mouth to mouth on him actually.
Depressing topic: Last Saturday and almost the whole of last week, and even a ltitle now, I was so angry at my mum. Thursday I told her she was all mine for the weekend, she said ok. Saturday morning, I had SJ and she half scolded me. Then in the afternoon she had business lunch with her colleague, was I allowed to get angry? NO! So fine, lets go for lunch with your colleague as I sit in the corner rotting in boredom. Then, after dropping my sis for dance class, she said she wanted to go Allamanda because of the Nadi roadshow there= work. Fine! After that, we got lost in Putrajaya and she got into a really bad mood until my sis eat tea also scold. Anyway, after we went home and had dinner, I sat on her bed to chat with her and she suddenly scolded me. I got pissed and went to my room, crying a bit. Sunday, I was still damn angry even after mass, which is fairly unusual. Then I went for CC all the time trying very hard to keep my tears in because of the things the priest was saying in front. It felt as if he was talking to me. He was talking about the sacraments of healing among them was reconciliation, confession. The sacrament that I am so afraid of. People normally go on a yearly basis but I haven't gone since first communion, six years ago. Anyway, after that she had parents meeting so I spent an hour and a half with nothing to do. I walked round the church, prayed in front of Mother Mary (the statue of her of course) where I cried, Again. then I sat in the toilet because there's a bench there and other benches were full. And after since I had nothing to do, I decided to go pang sai.. lol. Anyway, after the meeting we went for lunch with my grandma and godma. I raelly didn't feel like becoming close to her evnthough she's trying. I don't know why, I'm just so stuck in my story that I can actually believe that someday Dr Chan will materialise. Anyway, because it os the season of Lent, I can't eat meat and they went to some stupid banana leaf shop where I had nothing to eat. So my mother had to take me to the McDs in Section 14 where I once almost throwed up before. After that, she said she was tired so we went home to sleep and after sleeping she went to work in dad's office. It's not very difficult to guess that we never got to go to MPH. I love books so much but I never get to buy any because she always complains it's expensive. It's not just about the books. It's about the empty promises that always ALWAYS come out of her mouth. It just hurts. I was mad at her until I read my old messages and found one from Smile with bible verses inside on revenge and forgiveness. I looked up the ones about forgiveness and it basically told me to forgive my mother. I tried to forgive her, that was Thursday. She had a stupid stupid business dinner so she said she couldn't fetch me to tuition but would fetch me back. After tuition, I waited for her but my sister came instead. Empty promise again. I slept at about 12 that night if I'm nt mixed up with Friday. I didn't even see her that night. Next morning, as usual didn't have much time. That night, I didn't see her again because she came back so late. It's just so unfair. It's like everytime I try to forgive her, she breaks my heart. In the bible, frogiveness is likened to how God forgives us. I tried to do that, I told myself that I hurt God all the time by sin-ning but it's just so hard. It still is. It's al so painful. For previous weeks it was my dad, last week it was my mum, this week, it's probably W, how much more do I have to take? How much more can I take? I'm not perfect. Imagine, everyday you hit your hand, after long enough and enough hits, it's gonna die. It will never get numb to the pain. It's the same with my heart. ARRGGHHH!!!
My only outlet is this blog so I really hope you guys will excuse me if I'm boring you. On the bright side, when the priest came to talk last week, which he doesn't usually do, he brought his wowow. That's dog in baby language for those of you who can't remember the sweet time when you were young. It's a German Shepard (dunno how to spell) and it is sooo cute! It looked so bored and sleepy. Haha. But it was cute all the same.
I wrote a sonnet the other day and I'm thinking of sending it in for English week. The theme is love for the short story so I'm thinking of sending in a shortened version of Samantha Chan Love doesn't exist. I know the title is love doesn't exist but the story is sweeter ok? I'm just too lazt to re write it. And I've got so many versions flowing through my mind that I don;t even know what to write anymore. That's the difference between inspiration and over inspiration. I'm hoping to stay up all night getting it right tonight, I'll be half asleep in church but it'll be worth it. I think. I don;t know. See how lar, I might just sleep. ANyway, bye bye. Or buy buy as I accidentally typed to Ben just now. haha. night.

2005-02-08T17:36:00.000+08:00

Ok, I think maybe I should try to look on the bright side. As difficult as it may be, I have to try wouldn't I? SO ok... Well, I won the Area Competition for Short Case and Home Nursing. It was a surprise, a shock really. And I saw Smile a few days back. Cik Liang is no longer teaching us PJas... lol. I don't know... Erm... I can't think of anything else... and I have to go eat my stupid reunion dinner then sleep on the couch or the floor and maybe, if I'm lucky enough, I'll get big ang paus tomorrow. Highly unlikely I have to say but no harm wishing right? It all goes to my tertiary education fund anyway. I've got probably one percent to what I need to study medicine LOCALLY. Sigh... long more way to go. See, it is things like this that make me wish I was dead. But I'm glad I'm alive because... well, i don't really know why yet but I'll go home and thin about it k? Muaks...

2005-02-08T16:47:00.000+08:00

I'm on the internet... I'm on the internet... I'm on the internet... Lol. I'm using my mum's laptop because the so called computer repairman still hasn't come to fix my comp. I'm not really sure if I want him to fix to be honest... he doesn't seem to be now what he's doing. Ok. I have a lot to write and again I am on a time limit to go home and have reunion dinner. It's not much of a reunion actually it's just my immediate family and my grandmother. My grandma is going to stay over again and she's going to stay in my room again. It's so unfair... for three years now she has been staying in my room, she never stays in my sister's room. She should stay there instead because I still can remember the first time she saw my room and then she saw my sis' she said that my sister's room was much nicer and asked if I was going to repaint my room. My room is purple and my sis orange. I was so offended. I mean just because you don't like it doesn't mean the whole world doesn't. It's so unfair. Life's so unfair. Yesterday, my mum was supposed to be on leave but she called her colleague to my dad's office to work after office hours. I asked her to bring me so that I could just be with her but she said that I was sleeping and didn't want to wake me up. I still can rememebr a few weeks ago I was complaining that she didn't spend enough time with me and she said that this CNY she would be taking leave and we can spend some time together but I was on the verge of tears at that time because in my mind I knew that when the time came, she would have to say she's sorry again. It's always like that. I don't know why she bother's to take leave if she's going to work anyway. My life is becoming like my story only without Stepdaddy perfect. You know, my character dies when she's 15, that is one part that I wish would come true in my life. Don't you think it just sucks when you want to die but you can't because your religion doesn't allow you to? Life sucks.... Sigh... See, now I'm about to cry again... but I can't because I'm wearing contacts... Yeah... But it's only for a month so I'm not supposed to get used to it. It's a free pair because my glasses are with Malaya Optical to put in my new lens. My power went up to 500. Gosh I'm on my way to being blind... And I can't seem to stop using ... Anyway, apart from the fact that life sucks... CNY is coming and I have no mood to celebrate it. I still can't get along with my father, my mother is working too hard, I don't have my privacy or my freedom, I can't seem to do my school work right, I don't have the mood for anything. I've been crying myself to sleep for the past few nights and I don't know why. I just feel like crying. ARgh.... What is wrong with me?? When I'm in school and having fun with Yun, I don't really feel all this and she'll be singing and bugging me to give her songs to sing and usually it will be lively until my thoughts drown out her singing (which is quite difficult to do =P) then my mood just goes all bad again. I think she probably realises this. It usually happens at the end of school when I start to think about what I'll do after school which obviously means that I'll have to see my dad. I just hate being with him. I love him, I do but I just can't stand him. I don't know why. And now I'm afraid that I'll cry my contacts out again but I can't because my mother is with me and if I cry she'll get worried and everything will just suck even more. Nothing is going right for me... everything is just so wrong... it's just so wrong. A few days ago, I found out that the parents to a friend of mine were splitting up and instead of thinking "Thank goodness that's not my parents' I instead wished that it was. I don't know if it's my story that I'm getting to into it that I want to live it... I don't know what it is... I don't know anything anymore.
Well, happy chinese new year... wishing you a healthy and prosperous new year ahead...

2005-02-01T15:18:00.000+08:00

My internet isn't working. IT ISN"T WORKING!!! I'm in Stupid Donkey's house right now... using her internet... I have so much to write I don't even know where to start... I don't even have the time to write everything... Sigh... OK... Yun did for me this blogskin and the verse up there... he used to have it as his nickname! Sob sob... I won't even start about smile...sigh... anyway.. bye bye... Love you bloggie.. it feels so good to come online again... aahh....

2004-12-30T13:59:00.000+08:00

Something is wrong with my computer so I don't know if I'll be able to even post this.
I have a stupid headache and I don't know how to make it go away. It's W's birthday but I forgot alla bout it and sent him an SMS saying "Guess what?! I got 7As! I got 7As!" and now I feel like an idiot. I bought him a t shirt that costed me RM20 and I don't even like it. I preffered a long sleeved sweater-like thing that was baby blue in colour but they were out of stock. I really hope he'll like the t shirt. My sister said it was nice and that was the only reason that I bought it. My headache is still there and I think it has something to do with feeling sad for the tsunami victims. I find it really difficult to just sit in front of my computer and read about it. I want to help but there's nothing I can do. I've thought about donating my PMR money to them but that only totals up to about RM500+. I want tot alk to YT about it and maybe when school starts we can start up a fund for them. I was so close to the tsunami I feel really thankful that I'm alive. It really hurts to think of those who aren't or those who are but have lost their family. I almost lost my dad.
I went to Penang on Christmas Day and then on Sunday, we went to church at 830. At about 9, the church was shaking, just a little bit. So little that I thought it was me experiencing vertigo. Something I haven't felt since I was a child. I felt like I was rocking back and forth and side to side. I thought I was going to faint. Then people from upstairs started to come down and out of the church. Many other people went out of the church as well. So much to having faith in God. I couldn't feel the tremors anymore then. After a while, people started coming back into the church and back upstairs I think. Later, I sms-ed Yun and asked her if there were any earthquakes recently. She so smart, told me that Malaysia had no earthquake. Like Duh! Sumatra how near you know anot?? After mass, we soon forgot about it, well they forgot about it, I remembered. We went to McCalister Road to eat Char Kuay Teow, damn expensive for Penang standards. There was this cute guy sitting at the table behind us. Anyway, we went shopping after that. Supposedly New Year shopping but I only bought a bra which I didn't even choose. (So now I can wear nothing but a bra for New Year) My dad obviously didn't follow us. He went to Line Clear to eat Nasi Kandar and was saying that he wanted to go to the beach because none of us wanted to follow him there. Late in the evening, SY msged me and said that there was an earthquake in Sumatra that was causing tidal waves here and asked me if I was ok. (Mind you, that was the only Sms I got that showed concern) Then AP Sms-ed me and said Penang got tsunami. Earthquake in Sumatra was 8.9 on the richter scale. I was like whoa! 8.9?? And she told me that over 8000 people had died. I was like double whoa!! Then we went back to my friend's place where we were staying and sat in front of the tv watching CNN. The next day, we couldn't find a single newspaper to read and I couldn't go online to read the online paper because my sister thinks friendster is more important than a tsunami that might drown the island she was sitting on. When I did get the computer at about 4 something, I was shocked to see more than 50 Malaysians were dead and 30+ were from the land under my big butt. On Monday night, we went to Gurney drive to pick my grand aunt and uncle from gurney Hotel. I can't believe they actually dared to stay there. We saw a dead fish on the pavement. Most of it had been cleared up actually, just missed one little fishy. On the rocks, there were still couples sitting there paktoh-ing. Wonder if they wanted to die together like Romeo and Juliet? We weren't sure if the bridge would be safe to use or not so we decided to go home as planned on Tuesday. Personally, I figured that if God wanted to kill us, it wouldn't matter what time we were on the bridge, or if we were even on the bridge for that matter. So anyway, I'm safe at home now. Altough I'm not sure if we really are safe. Selayang Hosp could feel the tremors, Kota Damansara could feel the tremors. I guess there really is no safe place to be in. There were tsunamis in US for goodness sake. And since there are no safe places to be in, I've just got to know that I am protected. And while I'm in the middle of knowing that I'm protected, I shall also know how blessed I am because I got SEVEN AS!!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am so glad man!!! Girl, whatever!!! I never expected to get straight As. I wished and prayed very very hard but I never expected to actually get it! =) I'm glad. Let's see, the people I have to thank are: Yun yun for teaching me Sej, KH and everything else... Smile for teaching me and motivating me... W for motivating me as well... God for everything... and everyone else that I didn't mention.

2004-12-22T17:36:00.000+08:00

Maan.... I feel old again. I have this horrible backache probably from marching. Sir is MADDD!! He made us stomp (hentak) so hard. If I may... SO DAMN BLODDY HARD! Argh, I wore sports shoes so making it loud wasn't easy but it wasn't loud enough to make up for the other three people in my squad who don't seem to know the meaning of loud. I don't entirely blame them because it's not easy with those shoes but please! I'm doing the best that I can already. Sigh, nevermind. I think I raelly need a whole week of rest because this morning I went for marching and just now, I went for tennis and I felt as if my body weighed a million pounds. I felt as if I would fall if I moved another step. That was really worrying because I've never felt that way before. I've felt dead tired before but not to the extent that I could barely move. I used to be able to push myself one step further. Sigh. I haven't gotten over the SJMC visit. I admit, I like going to hospitals ok? But I didn't get my prawn salad, I didn't get to see santarina nor a proper santa claus. Oh right, that reminds me a funny fact. There was this little girl who was about five or sic maybe and she was the daughter of one of the Pharmaniaga staff and she was talking about Power Rangers and one of the other staff asked if Power Rangers of God was stronger. Then she didn't reply and her mother repeated the question. "Girl, Jesus or Power Rangers stronger?" and the little girl said Power Rangers. Lol. Everybody burst out laughing of course... Haha. Children.. so cute...
Just finished chatting with Smile. I was talking about SJ and he said that I was making him regret that he didn't join before. He said our competition was like what he does. And he also sent me an Ecard. Christian kind about CHRISTMAS! Touched my heart, didn't cry again though. About to now that I'm writing this but that's another matter altogether. Anyway, I think I'll end here. I'm kind of lazy to write because I want to savour the card. One good thing however is that my mouth didn't turn dry and my palms weren't sweaty when I chat with him. Maybe I am getting over it all now.

2004-12-20T19:45:00.000+08:00

Yunyun changed my blog layout. I like it but just as a point to remember, Christmas is about Christ not Santa Claus and snowmen.
Anyway, last Saturday, I went to my birthplace, SJMC. I went there right after a stupid duty in Taman Mayang. It was my mother's birthday by the way. Anyway, I went there wanting to see Santarina. I was disappointed though. Anyway, I went there very late because I had duty before that and they were half way through a song. It was for the paediatric ward there. There were two Santa Clauses, one was skinny and both had no beard. Fakers! Anyway, they gave out presents after that and I obviously didn't get one. I was tempted to take the pooh one of the patients got though. =P Then we went on a 'tour' of the wards to give the other patients presents. Patients who couldn't come down to the conference room. I like the wallpaper of the paediatric ward. From there, we went to the surgical ward where there were other children. I never knew what a hospital ward looked like before this. Anyway, what I heard that really touhed my heart was "They will grow up" They meaning the children of course. The person it was directed to didn't get it though. Anyway, I don't know why it's stuck with me but it did touch my heart. The children are so innocent, some not even one and they're already in a hospital. One of the patients had been in there for three months already. It really made me realise how blessed I am. Just the other day, I was complaining to W about how blessed other people were and though I know I should be counting my blessings, some people made it really hard for you to realise how blessed you are. You know, if you have one of this, that person will have two of this, if you have one of that, that person will have two of that. But after the SJMC visit, I realised, that person has two of this, I have one and some people have half or none. So that's how I'm blessed.
Ona lighter note, when I get the time, I will camp out at SJMC's parking lot. Oh, the cars there! Can't remember all the cars I saw but a few that stood out were Merc E-class and BMW 5 Series, the new ones. Well, there you go again, that's how blessed I am. I may not have a million dollars but I have my health.
Today: I just came back from Yun's house. Before that, I went to Area HQ to learn Home Nursing. I WILL NEVER BE A NURSE! NEVER! Oh my goodness, it is so freaking boring! BORING!!! We first learnt to wash our hands. First, 'open' the tap with your elbow then wet your hands. Next, put soap and lather up evenly. After that, rub your palms together then scrub between your fingers ten times. Change hand and repeat. Next, blah blah. If you really want to know: Go here But for us, it's a little different. More steps, sigh. Anyway, we also learnt bedmaking Which is quite boring except for the part where we joked that to get the patient of the bed we push her to the floor. We also learnt to fold the linen and blankets. Then we learnt how to sponge bath the patient if the patient is paralysed or semi-paralysed. Then we learnt how to take a patients temprature! Can imagine how interesting that was? We also learnt to take the patient's pulse! Wow, that was fun! Oh... I would've slept standing if I had closed my eyes.
Anyway, back to Sunday, that evening, because it was my mother's birthday, we went to this German Restaurant in Taman Tun. It was ladies' night so us three ladies got a Mojito which is a cocktail. I felt old after that. They were serving alcohol to a minor and the minor turned pink after that and her pulse rate was 93. I was told that drunk people don't take their pulse so that proves that I wasn't drunk. Hehe. Apparently, I was very hot after that. ;) Well, I ate Hunter's Schnitzel which was nice but I was TOO full after that. The cocktail was very nice. And there was a mocktail called 'virgin mary' and my sister asked what a mocktail was so I told her it was like a cocktail without the alcohol and then she asked "is virgin mary an alcoholic?' Lol. No, the Mother of Christ was NOT an alcoholic. Lol. The way she structures her sentence.. honestly... Anyway, I have to go now. Bye bye.

2004-12-17T16:43:00.000+08:00

Ok. My mood is a little better than the last post but I still don't really want to blog about my camp because something else is on my mind. We had marching practice AGAIN today. Sir was there and I have to say that he is a wonderful teacher. He's dedicated. And though he punishes and tortures us ALOT he also teaches really well. I'm glad he's training us. I'm learning the ways he teach so I can use it next year. But that's not what is completly taking up the space on my mind. After practice, we had a short bod meeting and then we went for lunch in Pizza Hut. Had seafood somthing because it's a friday and then we went to secret recipe where I spent fifty sens on a mineral water. =/ Then XW's mum fetched me to the library and W met me there. I was suppsosed to do my CPR notes but W was disturbing me A LOT. He took my phone and read all my messages and I was trying to get it away from him, he tried to take my file but I refused to give it to him and he 'molested' me. Or at least I said "Don't meraba-raba" Lol. Because I hugged the file and I was sitting down. We were fighting like little kids there. We were so lame and I enjoyed that. I njoyed being in his company. This is dangerous because he's just a friend. He switched off my phone and tried to ask me what my PIn was but I didn't tell him and he went "We're friends right?" and blah blah. He blackmailed me a lot. When we were in Secret Recipe, I was having doubts as to whether or not I could trust him because in PH, YT asked for his number and I said it out loud like really fast and YK gave me this really weird stare and then in SR we pretended not to know him because he spat into the plate after choking on water. So I said to PS 'Why are you talking to strangers' and then W retorted "Strangers? Who is the one who mesaged me right after camp and..." And I got scared that he moght have told someone about what I told him the other day on the very long phone call. Anyway, in the library, things were different. I wasn't so suspicious of him anymore, I felt I could trust himand though he blackmailed me, I felt that he wouldn't really tell anyone. Well, in the library we talked quite a bit about nonsense. I don't want to write about what we talked about because it's private and I really don't want ot across the internet but it was great. I felt really happy in his company. I don't know why, I had this really great feeling after he had left. He stayed there with me until my sis came to pick me up and we were just kdding around. Playing a fool. Acting like little kids and a few times, I felt as if other people would probably look at us and think that we're coupled. In my memory when I think back about him, I usually feel that we have TOO much in common to be coupled but yet in the library today, I felt different. I know it will never happen because of that senior-junior thing but I don't know, I just felt like it would be raelly great. Oh, Please tell me I'm not falling in love all over again. With Smile, I felt like I could marry him and I get tingly all over when I see his photo but with W, I feel comfortable in his company. I feel comfortable touching him, like his hand or whatever and I don't usually feel like that with guys. Take Jian for example, I don't exactly feel comfortable holding his hand but with W today, I was hitting him a lot and we were practically screaming in the library, he took my phone and I was trying to fight it back and you can imagine how close we got to each other but I didn't mind. I'm not sure if this difference in the way I feel for him means that I really love him as a friend or does it mean something more? We all know I'm not supposed to have anything 'more' but with W, it was different. Special but I'm not sure what it means. I held his hand and I didn't get that tingly sensation that I get when I see Smile's pic. Oh, and though I believe that it is what inside that matters, W's hair today was so cute. Anyway, I'm not sure if anybody will actually read this post because it was rather mo liu and should actually be inside my diary rather than my blog but I'm glad I said it out. Summary of this post: I'm so confused! W is a friend but I'm not sure if he's something more.
Anyway, if you want details to what actually happened today, call me.
Apart from today, tomorrow, I have duty. Sigh. I don't want to go, it's my mother's birthday, her 23rd birthday, lol. Wish me luck. After the duty, I'm off to see Santarina. =) Happy birthday mum, eventhough you won't read this and Merry Christmas to all of you out there. And also if I don't blog in time, Happy New Year!

2004-12-15T18:31:00.000+08:00

I know I should be blogging about my camp and this morning because alot has happened since the last time I blogged. Honestly, I don't have the slightest mood to blog or to write anything so I think I will keep my stories for another time. I'm sorry Yun. I know I told you that I will blog about it but I'm really not in the mood. Maybe I'm tired, maybe I'm PMS-ing right now but frankly, I am feeling rather depressed. W is busy so I can't talk, my mother is working but it's not as if I'll talk about anything with her. So I'm all alone in this world, out for myself. I love you, I hope you know that. All of you.

2004-12-04T09:39:00.000+08:00

My eyes can barely open. I had three hours of sleep last night, slept at five thirty. I didn't want to sleep actually but after four hours of writing (Only) I developed writer's block. I still can remember last year when I started writing, I could write and write as much as I wanted, whenever I wanted and I could do it realy fast even by hand and now, I take a few hours just to write one or two pages. I amit that I do still have my 'good days' where I can write pretty much but it never is fast. The most recent time I could write a lot, it made my third chapter too long and I don't know how to edit it. It's about two times longer than my other chapters. Never mind that.
There was something I wanted to blog about but I can't remember now... Oh well, nevermind then. W is asking for my blog again and this time it's my fault. I said to him yesterday 'you should read my post today, oh I forgot, you don't have my blog' just for fun and he blackmailed me. He asked me to tell and I said no then he asked how many other people know and I told him a lot. So I named for him Yun, Jote, dS, Yun's sis and a few others and he said that next time when I need help he won't help me. That's so unfair, he blackmailed me! But I think that he won't hang up on me if I call him and tell him I want to kill myself. A part of me wants to give him my blog but if I do then the posts that go 'I love him so much' blah blah have to stop. In fact, I won't be able to post anything about him and I don't want to do that because he is very much a part of my life. Like I said, I love him as a friend. I don't know why but I compare telling him my blog to telling my parents my blog. I don't treat him like a parent of course but it's just plain weird. Sigh, well, whatever.

Sometimes it is best to just sit back and let life take you where it goes.

2004-12-03T19:54:00.000+08:00

Ok. Update on what happened last Sunday. Started with waking up early in themorning, sigh. I went for a talk in... erm, can't remember. Some hotel in KL. (About my last post, it is MPS not MPA sorry.) It was a talk with something to do with generic drugs. By Zarina Someone. Hmm, half the people there looked as if they were sleeping. There was a guy sitting somewhat in front of me who looked like Hitler from the back. There were plates of sweets on every table and someone stole my water. I also didn't get my coffee. Sigh. My mother tried to pass me off as her marketing assistant but to no avail, she was told that I had her face stamped on my head. After the talk that I attended, we left. After that talk was a talk about erectile dysfunction. Would have liked to stay and watch the graphics but I had to go to church. =P With my myopic eyes and glasses that don't fit my eyesight anymore, the speaker, a urologist, looked kind of cute. His name started with L, can't remember what though but it wasn't someother urologist which I've already set my heart upon. =P I saw a merc slk on the road that day. I also saw a super chun merc in the basement parking of the hotel. I don't know what it was though, I couldn't see, I was too busy drooling. I also saw Auto Bavaria outside some shopping mall or something. It was like paradise I tell you. Hahah. I only got to see it from the car though. There was a BMW 3 series, five series, something I can't remember and my beloved 6 series coupe!! AAHHH!!! That night, I went to the MAKNA Tenth anniversary dinner. I got a purple nose, hehe. It was in KL Tower. There were speeches by the KL Tower somebody then the President and founder of MAKNA and then by a cancer survivor. After that, they launched their website and cocktail dinner followed. I ate one tiny little cream puff. That was all. Sigh. We then went up the tower but I didn't really enjoy it because I was too busy being annoyed by my dad. My feet were aching throughout because I was wearing my sisters four inched high shoes. Then there were parajumpers or whatever you call them. Fireworks, lighting of orchid shaped candles (They probably couldn't fine periwinkle, which is their logo and the flower of hope and it was also periwinkle day) on the cascading pool which had already been turned off and was no longer cascading. Then there was lighting of the torch of hope I think and Ning Baizura performed two songs and then another singer and then we left so I don't know what happened after that. There was supposed to be porsche cars, vintage cars and harley davidson bikes but I didn't get to see them either because it was raining ot because I was late. Well, that was my Sunday last week. I was supposed to go to Tesco Puchong and listen to some talk on GI Health (Honestly, would have preferred the ED talk. =P) that I probably heard a dozen times before. It was by Vitagen and the talk was probably by some doctor but I didn't go because we had to fetch my grandmother to church, lunch and stuff. I met the kind people who helped her when her car broke down. Seem like nice people, may the Lord shower His blessings upon them. I thank them a lot. I also cut my hair on that Sunday. I wanted to layer it but the self-proclaimed hair stylist said it would curl outwards if I did. I went to the twelve dollar cut in Ikano. I will never go thre again. NEVER! She cut my waist length hair straight across because she said there was nothing much I could do with it. HELLO?! My hair reached my waist before you attacked it! There was a whole world of things a proper stylist could have done. Sigh, anyway, I look like cleopatra but with longer hair. It reaches somewhere below my shoulders. On the bright side, it's almost the same as 'the urologist whom I have my eyes on's wife. Haha. Without the front fringe. It's also something like Pn. M's hair but longer without the singed look.
I know my post isn't exactly in proper order today but please excuse me ok?
P.S. I do not really have my eyes on a married man ok? I'm just kidding, I actually have my eyes on his son. ;)

2004-11-27T23:11:00.000+08:00

I haven't bathed since yesterday and I'm sleepy but I have to bathe because tomorrow morning, I have to wake up early. Sigh. I am going to MPA talk tomorrow, wonder if there'll be any cute guys. =P Anyway, tomorrow night, I'll be going to MAKNA (Majlis Kanser Nasional) dinner. It's an anniversary dinner or something. I know saying this will make me seem like a shallow b*tch, but I have nothing to wear. The dress code is smart casual. Anyway, I have to go now. My dad is bugging me, as always. Love you. muaks.

2004-11-25T22:47:00.000+08:00

That night, I was a nervous wreck. My parents were out, I was asleep on my bed in my room. Or so they thought. I was nowhere near asleep, I was just waiting for them to go out. The minute they did, it all started. As I said, I was a wreck. It started with a long, suggestive message that lead to him responding with something more than a message. He asked what was wrong when he realised what a wreck I was, he had never seen me that way before. He listened to me and then realised, that this was my first time. He gave me a lot of useful advice that I am so grateful for. He taught me what to do and that was what I did. It felt so good. Though I was afraid of it at first, I was glad I listened to him. What had started with fear, ended with a feeling of goodness. It felt good to bare myself to him like I did. I had never felt better. The shower after that was a whole hour of heavenly bliss. Again, it was his idea. He suggested hot water but I chose cold water instead, after all, just because I'm inexperienced doesn't mean I don't get to make some decisions. The ice cold water didn't feel icy cold. The warmth of what had happened before that was enough. And he warmth of love from someone not from my family was more than sufficient to keep me warm under the shower. It was long and pleasurable, I am glad I listened to him. I now realise how much I love him. I really do. The bearing of myself and the shower after that, just thinking about it gives me a tingling happiness all over. It was wonderful. That night. My first time.

2004-11-20T16:01:00.000+08:00

It's been so long since my last post I was having withdrawal symptoms. I have so much to tell!
I'll start with the Highway Duty. It was boring I guess but I want to go again next year. There was a case which I didn't get to go. =( It was a false alwarm case though. Mdm's driving was apparently very good. (or horrible depending on how you look at it) She was driving at 140kmh and was practically leaning on the horn. The coolest thing was that the ambulance had a loudspeaker so Sir could ask everyone to get out of the way! That was what my sis has always wanted. Anyway, after two false alarm cases, they went to buy chicken rice for our lunch. The chicken was so tough I was tired just trying to bite it. We basically spent the rest of the day being bored. My friends were trying to dress me half girl half guy although from the ideas that they threw in I think it was a conspiracy to turn me into half prostitute half loan shark. Anyway, we then walked around the place, we counted the number of red cars that passed. Err. Well, the day was a good day for me because when we first started out, I saw a Ferrari Fdunnowhat. It completely made my day when I saw it again when we were entering the toll. I think it was the same one because it was the same model and it was also convertible. Anyway, we also washed the ambulance, it was so extremely dirty! I met sir's gf who was quite nice. I met other people from K division and also Sir. We also learnt how to use that thing which I forgot what it's called. it was basically a pocket mask and that big balloon thing so that we don't have to give mouth to mouth. It was so cool, we also learnt to use the oxygen tank.

W is starting to annoy me again. He thinks of my life as a soap opera because I tell him so much. He doesn't know what a soap opera is, when I used that word the other day, he said "Huh? What's that? The Oprah Winfrey show ar?" Sigh, so ignorant. Hahah. Anyway, he misscalled me at three something last last night and I think he woke my father up because I leftmy phone in the hall. I wasn't asleep yet at that time so he called me and we were chatting nonsense. I miss doing that because a certain girl went to Egypt and left me here. She completely forgot about me AGAIN! And my aunt is in Japan. It's so unfair, everbody seems to be doing something or going somehwere and I'm stuck at home with nothing to do. I have no job and I get so envious of people who do because everyday, I just sit at home at rot. I don't really want to use the comp because I'm not exactly getting along with my dad these days, he just annoys me. If he could just leave me alone! Sigh, I want that clinic job. I want that clinic job. I don't care if they pay peanuts I just want it. I don't even care if they don't pay me because I just want the experience. If I could, I would go to the hospital and do that thing J once said something about. Like you go to the hospital and annoy the doctors by following them around and learning about what they do. That is so cool, if I ever get to do that, I want to follow a surgeon or an obstetrician. I want to witness the joy of life again because life is beginning to be empty and meaningless. Sigh, honestly? I feel as if I am getting confused between the real world and the story world. I like the story world because there, everything is the way I want it to be. I have control over things but here, I just live life like a nobody. It's painful, it's difficult. I don't do anything anyday. I thought I might have duties to do then at least I'm doing something useful but I'm not. I'm just doing nothing and I mean literally nothing. And I also want that DC. Someone to understand me, someone to care for me and someone to love me. I want so many things but I don't know how to get it, it's just so stupid. Life is stupid.

2004-11-09T18:39:00.000+08:00

Sigh... SIgh... SIGh.... SIGH... SIIIGGGHHHHH..... I'm going through mid life crisis at 15 because I have two cousins who will be getting married this month. Doc was just talking about 'red bombs' the other day. I wonder if he ever feels like he's growing old? I mean, he is old and single right? And if one is old and single there must be something wrong with that person right? Hahaha... I wrote that in my story. My character told that to her psychiatrist who is 'old and single' Well, my story is 11 pages now. Still nothing compared to the 50+ I had but it's better than two. The glass is half full, ot in this case, one fifth full.
I just chat with him just now. I felt a small thing when I saw him come online but then it was over as soon as it came. I'm learning... hopefully. Anyway, he asked me to pray for his exams because it's really hard. I told him that all my prayers will be for him. I feel that he really deserves to do well because I'm quite sure he has studied hard and smart. He's just nervous. We all know what damage nervousness can do to a person at exams. One thing I don't like about exams and I think should be changed is that in exams, the atmosphere is such that you are scared out of your skin and you're only given one chance. I mean, if you do a latihan in school and a same one but in the form of an exam in an exam hall with the examiners all looking at you. Obviously you're going to do better in the classroom right? Oh well, no matter, it's not like I'll be able to change much anyway right? Pn Chew said that our education system is changing towards the American style that means it is based a lot on assignments rather than just one exam at the end of he year. Well, at first I thought that wasn't very good but now I see its benefits. Sigh... Oh dear, here I go again. Hahah. Anyway, my dad's being bad now, he wants to use the comp. Bye.. love ya

2004-11-06T15:37:00.000+08:00

I'm not a freak... please tell me I'm not a freak... I don't want to be a freak... lol, I actually find the SJ Anthem quite nice. I mean I have heard nicer songs but I find it not that bad. Dld it here I'm not sure if I'm allowed to do that without giving the source but I don't know where to get it from, I got it from the email. I am also not sure how to link songs so if it doesn't work please tell me.
Btw, what happened to Arafat? I seem blur.

2004-11-06T14:57:00.000+08:00

Arrgghh.... Aarrrggghhh... Sigh... My sister is a spoilt brat. I don't know if it was my fault but she is a spoilt brat. Perhaps I should try to see things from her point of view and maybe I'll be able to understand her but I think we're too different. Please excuse me for being such a bitch. Sigh. I am now reading a book about female serial killers. It's called Fatal: The poisonous life of a female serial killer by... erm... forgot. It's a nice book. It's about this nurse, Jane Toppan. She kills people by administering morphine and atropine in varying doses to see the effects. There's a lot more about her about how she erm... gets sexual pleasure by doing that and how she killed an entire family. It is very interesting though the writing style is not very interesting. I've only read it about half way through so I'm not sure what happened but I know she did get caught. I also found interesting that doctors then, in the 19-20th century, had very weird kinds of medication including lime water, cocoa wine, arsenic, strychnine and others. Arsenic is a rat poison and strychnine is also a kind of poison.
My mother has got another sorethroat and this time she almost completely lost her voice. She went to buy that chinese herbs again. And the lady at the CMH said 'aiyoor, lost your voice again ah? Now raining so much and you still so heaty?'. Oh well... I guess it's better than: 'Kalau bini tak baik tukar lar'. Lol.
Sigh, nobody is online... so boring... we were supposed to go shopping later although I'm not sure if we will still be going now that my sis is like that... I said this to W the other day only I didn't realise how much I meant it. My life is a whole damn mess. Sigh. Is it me or is it not? I wish I knew... The only thing I'm sure of is that my tooth is aching and I just bit my tongue. Bye bye... I can't wait to go for duty...

p.s. Yun, did Jian tell you that I'm not going out this Monday? You go and enjoy k? *muaks* =P

2004-11-05T18:41:00.000+08:00

I can't believe it! I wrote a nice long lenghthy post before this and as I was posting it, I got disconnected! Sigh, I have to write everything again! Well, I won't. I don't have that much time. Anyway, what I wrote was basically W is nice. I want him to go for camp but I don't want him to go for camp but it doesn't matter because he doesn't want to go to camp. He's nice to flirt with because he won't start liking me. He still sees me as a junior and I don't think I'll ever be able to change his mindset about that. We were chatting just now and we talked about "what happened the other night" Nothing happened! Really! Nothing! Believe me! Nothing happened! But I told him I didn't really enjoy it and he said it's because guys only need 5 minutes of foreplay whereas girls needed 15 to 20. So now you can roughtly guess what happened that didn't happened the other night. Lol. Anyway, now you know why he's so nice to flirt with. He started the topic about what happened the other night. Hahah. Okok, I'll drop about what happened the other night. Hehe. Bye for now.

2004-11-04T17:23:00.000+08:00

Have I told you lately that I love you?... AAH! Got that song stuck in my head! Out! Out! Hehe.. anyway, I am lifeless. I searched for W's name just now and apparently there's an artist or whatever with the same name. Almost the same name anyway. And then I searched Jy's dad's name (I told you I'm lifeless) and I went into a Men's health site. Haha... I don't think I Have the right organs for that site lol. I came across DUMC's site as well. But nobody cares... Sigh, I saw Smile's name there... SHUT UP!

Yesterday after I finished blogging, my dad went out and asked me if I wanted anything so I told him Milo ksg Ais (again) and then whenhe came back with my drink, he told me that there was durians downstairs and asked me if I wanted to come along to buy. So I went with him and he chatted with the durian seller talking about.. uhm.. "Kalau bini tak bagus tukar saje lar"... Lol. anyway, I'm glad I went because I got one 'ulas' of free durian and my dad got the other one. Then we came back and I ate durian. I ate and ate and ate until I was so full (also because of the milo) and for the whole night, I felt so nauseated. Haha... I went out with my sis after that and she went yum cha with her gay looking friend and I wanted to throw up because there was food all around. BLUEEKK! Lol... Moral of the story: I cannot eat without my mother beside me because I WILL overeat. Haha... Sigh, like little girl only.

Somebody help me! I don't know what color I should make my website! Blue or White? I like blue but if I make it white then it will be printable. Aahh!! And I don't know what to put on the first page... This is horrible! Aahhhh!!

2004-11-03T15:38:00.000+08:00

WHATEVER YUN!! Anyway, I HATE MSN! I hate it! It has brought back all the feelings I thought I had overcome. What is wrong? I shouldn't be feeling this. I really thought I was over all this crap. When I sent him mails, I didn't feel this dry mouth, clammy hands rubbish but when I saw him online just now I told WC I couldn't breathe and how true. Obviously not literally. I don't know what I'm feeling right now, it's not love it's not like, I'm hoping it's not a crush either. Its ridiculous! How can I feel like this? Anyway, I remember once that I said I thought JY's (sign language) father looked fierce.. I just realised that I have a pic of him. Muahahhahah... Hmm... Actually, I think he's erm... handsome.. Muahahhahaa... I always seem to think older men are handsome.. there is something seriously wrong with me.. lol. He's so hot, Muahahahahahah... jk. He's handsome but not hot. Married men not my taste. Anyway, back to the main point of my post. I can't like him. I refuse to. I don't want to. But do I? I feel so immature. I feel downright childish. After I chat with him for a short short while just now, all the feelings came back and I was stupid enough to open one of the old mails that he sent when he first went there. There was a pic of him and it made everything worse. I should never have opened it. I feel even more idiotic than I already know I am. Sigh... I feel like a confused teenager. I think I like Smile but I don't want to. I like W but only as a friend. I find JY cute and I find his dad handsome! Muahahhahah.... Forget his dad ok? I like his dad's wallet, I have to say that... Hehe... jkjk. Anyway. I'll tyr to sort out my feelings and thoughts now, byebye

2004-11-01T13:31:00.000+08:00

STUPID YUN!! HOW COULD SHE HACK INTO MY BLOG AND POST A STUPID MEANINGLESS POST FOR ME?

=PPPPP

oh gosh man I am so bored. Guess who guess who? =PPP

2004-10-30T18:11:00.000+08:00

I once went to a doctor, it was a Thursday, I remember it so well.. sob sob... Anyway, I went there because I was sick, duh, and she asked me if I had taken my breakfast. (It was about 11) So I told her I haven't and that I don't usually eat breakfast and then she looked so surprised. Well, Dear doctor wtv-ur-name-is, I can tell you that today, I have eaten my breakfast. I ate it at five. Hehe, I just had breakfast after fetching my sis from dance class. I had ham, egg, sausage, bread and two fries. The rest of my fries were stolen by the two other people sitting at my table. So, just because I woke up at 12 doesn't mean I can't have breakfast right? Crap, I'm hungry again. Oh, guess what I to drink with my brekkie? I had Milo Ksg Ais don't want ice. Haha... that poor guy must be wondering how to make cold Milo without using ice and without enough time to put it in the fridge.

2004-10-30T15:49:00.000+08:00

COLD!! There's one place in Malaysia where you can have winter-like tempratures. Or rather summer in the north pole? At least I can change the temprature of my winter. Hehe. Anyway, somebody has to report me to the SPCAnts because there are ants all over the table, again. My fingers are cold and can barely type, I'm not going to waste my energy on ants. I want to cry! I can't open my disc! I decided to move on with my life and pick myself up after I had fallen so I started to write the story again. The same story but written in different words. I used to have 56 pages in the disc, now I only have two. Two! I spent two hours writing two pages of things that I think about day and night. The story takes palce over a long period of time, a few years, and now that I've started writing from the beginning, I don't know what to write. I've gotten used to writing things that happens with my character, Samantha's, stepdad. I can't write! I almost wrote the first chapter only two pages long! Well, one and a half because I have a prologue. From 20 thousand words of I'm not mistaken, now I only have ONE thousand. It's so frustrating, I sat on my bed with the laptop lastnight trying to write but I kept on thinking about things that I want to write after I finish that part.

On a brighter note, I have a new fish. It's a clownfish but it doesn't look a thing like Nemo. It's fatter and bigger, not that I've seen Nemo in real life before. When I go up to the glass, it comes to look at me but I think that's because she wants food. I don't care if it's actually a he or she, all pets in my house are shes. Hehe. I'm not going to name it until I'm sure it will survive for another year or so. Unfortunately, she's all alone in the aquarium. I still miss my cowfish. I miss it dearly, it was so beautiful. It wasn't cheap either. I feel terrible, because on one hand, I think it is unfair to these little creatures to be taken out of their natural habitat and stuffed into a tiny little aquarium with no one else but on the other hand, they are so cute and nice to look at. Nice to play with too, dogs would be more fun but who says you can't pat fishes? My dad pats the puffer fish at home. But I don't do that because it'll bite me, I never feed it. My sister has a friend who has an arowana and when it's master comes home, it will go to the glass of the aquarium to 'greet' him. And once, it bit my sis' fren while he was trying to give it frogs to eat and after that, it went and hid behind a rock, looking out and looking guilty. It didn't even dare to eat the frogs! See, animals have feelings too and their feelings are almost human-like. I wouldn't like to be stuffed into an aquarium and that's why I feel that we shouldn't keep fishes as pets. Bah, I'm such a hypocrite aren't I?

2004-10-26T18:37:00.000+08:00

I don't know how to change the resolution of my computer so now, everything is BIG!!! My eyes also pain edy... Haih. BIG! Anyway, my dad called some computer guy to come and fix my computer so now I can access hotmail and msn messenger already! I'm quite happy. Although I don't miss it dearly so, it's quite nice to be able to chat with my old friends who don't have yahoo or icq. Well, I won't be dowloading ICQ because the aren't many people who use it that don't have MSN and also because I'm to lazy to.
Dr Liew has another blog that his 'stalkers' all contribute to the posts. I prefer his blog but I guess the other one is stil new so I shouldn't judge it just yet, not that I'm in any position to judge anything though. I finally commented that purr purr karer is for sexually frustrated people. Hehe. WC should go work for Doc, she would fit very well, the whole sexually frustrated thing. Lol. Anyway, if both doc and his rpcns are s.f. then maybe it is a good thing for the rpcns that the 'not so yong sui man' came into the picture. Hehe. I know I'm being mean. Lol. Yun commented the other day something to the effect that I am never not mean. Do I agree with her? NO! Can't you see the halo above my head? Lol.
Recently, I've been in quite bad moods and even worse mood swings. W became a victim of it. I seldom make friends a victim but yet I find it ok to let it out on him. I didn't really scold him or anything like that. I just commented about the comp guy using some words that I shouldn't be using and well, ok, I did kind of 'scold' him. I told him that he should stop thinking that he's better than everybody else becaue he's not. But what he said before that was only on a joking note. It was after F1 that time so it was about 3 something in the morning. I don't know if it was because I was tired or what but I think I shouldn't have said it. I normally would have just shot back something sarcastic. Well, thankfully, he didn't get angry at me, instead he grew concern and phoned me at three something. (Phoning is one of the words that is scarce in his vocab) And he was quite nice, he asked me what was wrong and why I was getting angry over little things. I guess he's right, I was getting angry over a little joke. It wasn't even insulting to anyone. I really don't know what's wrong with me. I'm going to write him an email later, apologise to him for my behaviour. I know there's no need but I just want him to know that everthing is ok with me. Nothing is wrong. I guess. I'm really having doubts as to whether or not there is something wrong with me, I want to blame it on oestrogen eventhough I believe it's not. Sigh, I just wish I knew. Well, there's only one thing I can do. It may sound stupid to you non-believers but I will pray. Ask for God's guidance and strength and also some knowledge so that I can spell strength properly. If I have faith, I know I will see. I've seen before and witnessed the true love and the trueness of Him, I know if it is His will, I just have to open my eyes to realise. Realise His love for me, and for the world.

2004-10-23T17:03:00.000+08:00

I'm cold... I'm so very horribly cold! I'm so cold till I can barely type. Anyway, I want to do a book review today because I am so in love with Robin Cook. He is just who I want to be, mad doctor... Ok, he's not mad, just his characters are kind of. Well, very since they tend to murder people and think nothing of it. Their MDs mind you. If you want mad doctor, go see Dr Liew. =P Here goes, it was published around 1987 actually but I wasn't even young then.
Outbreak by Robin Cook
So romantic! Hahahahah... anyway, it's about this girl, Dr. Marissa Blumenthal who is an EIS oficer for CDC and she is sent out for her first field work to somewhere for an Ebola Outbreak. So at first, it doesn't seem like much, lost many lives though. Then there are more outbreaks here and there. Then she starts to suspect somthing's amiss because the virus is exactly the same strain as the outbreak from Zaire '76. In an outbreak in Philadelphia, she suspects that in came from the custard and tries to prove it. She is then transferred from Virology to Bacteriology, meaning she doesn't get to work with Ebola anymore. Despite this, she continues to try to reveal what is actually happening. SOme super-hi-tech-thingie then leads her to a lab somehwere far far away in an ulu place. She checks out the lab and finds that all of its partners are members of the Physicians' something something(PAC).(The lab has the technology to handle Ebola) Then she goes investigating and people try to kill her by injecting her with Ebola but she, at 5 feet, fights of her would-be murderer and injects him with the Ebola virus instead. Another attempt to kill her was again in her hotel room, again she hid in the toilet, she took a paring knife and stabbed the bad guy half to death and then that guy was charged for murder of one of the maids which he killed to get into Dr. Blumenthal's room. His two accomplices try to take revenge. She runs to her 'boyfriend's' (who is older than her by 22 yrs) place, then while she was there, she find's out he's bad so she drugs him with 10mg of Valium that was meant for her. She runs away in his Mercedes S-dunnowhat. She goes to the CDC lab to take her only evidence and then the security guard calls her superior. She runs from him and straight into 'her' car and finds the two bad flers there. She hears a loud bang and she falls unconscious (or wtv) She wakes up and then it turns out that the FBI shot one of the bad flers. I still dunno why she fell unconscious. The Ebola virus was stolen from the maximum containment lab in the CDC. PAC stole it because they wanted to spread it to the clinics that were having prepaid medical plans instead of fee-for-service type because PAC said that prepaid was moving further away from medical ethics, so that the clinics wil close down. Yeah, like spreading the deadly Ebola virus killing hundreds and hundreds of people were very ethical.
Sheesh, anyway, I just gave a synopsis not a review... Anyway, it ended with Marissa asking the superior to ask her out for dinner becaue previously, he suggested something like that to her but she declined in a not very political manner and he started treating her badly. I don't know what the heck is wrong with Dr. Blumenthal. Her superior is a widower so you can imagine howo ld he is whereas she is only about thirty. Well, I'm not the author. Robin Cook is seriously a good writer. Perhaps 'outbreak' isn't as good as Dan Brown's the Da Vinci Code but it certainly didn't offend as many people as Brown did. I also read 'Shopaholic and Sister' by Sophie Kinsella and it was good. I couldn't put it down so I ended up reading until 5a.m. that Wednesday. I love LUKE! Hahaha.. he's so sweet... I don't exactly hate Becky though. Seeing Becky and her sis, Jess, I can actually see some resemblance in character between my own sis and I. I'm a skinflint and she is a Shopaholic. Lol. Well, I'm going to go seek asylum in the toilet now because I'm about to turn into a human icicle.... Brrrrrrr......

2004-10-20T14:24:00.000+08:00

AAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is stupid!! It's ridiculous!! I can't even go into yahoo anymore! It's not the incredifind thing that comes up, it's something else now, also a search thing. To make matters worse, there are at least one pop up everytime i get redirected to that page! Sometimes it's two! I can't read my mail! I did a spyware search and destroy yesterday and today, it's like this! It was already showing some problems yesterday after the spyware thing and today it's worse! Can somebody please tell me what's wrong??!! I already have a headache from this. Sigh... drop the computer and pick up the book. I am going to read, something that seldom fails to make me sleep although I'm not supposed to be sleeping. I will be calm... uhhhhmmmm........... uhhhhhmmmmmmm......
*It's simply a matter of letting my higher self take over, acheiving enlightenment and becoming a radiant being of white light*

2004-10-19T19:27:00.000+08:00

I will be calm... Incredifind is so bloody irritating! It comes up everytime I try to go into certain sites. I'm glad that not al sites are affected. For now however, I can't go into my Yahoo mail and I can't read my mail. I know it's only one mail but still! It's my mail!!

Forget it, this isn't worth my blood pressure although I have to admit that if my blood pressure was a little higher, I would probably be healthier. Anyway. I may be in a bad mood but there are stil some things that can humour me. Just now, my father's friend said she had to eat more sugar today because she didn't eat proper meals. So she finished about half a tube of Mentos. Haha! How can you substitute your meals with mentos? Does she think that when she eats her lunch al that is inside is sugar? Nothing else? Sheesh, this is something like Dr Liew with his heaty-chillness problem that he gets from his 'beloved' patients. Sigh, and to make it all worse, my father Yes my own father! said he had a sorethroat because he must be heaty. So there you go, my father and his friends. I may not be a doctor (W laughs at the possibility of me ever becoming one) but I still get frustrated when I hear things like this. I admit, there is a small possibilty that the whole heaty-chillness thing does exist but as long as no one can prove it, I'm not believing it. _{Go and eat bees.}

Forget it, I've said it before and I'll say it again, this isn't worth getting hypertension over. Yesterday, I confessed to dSaint that I couldn't stand children. It's true but today, there is a small toddler about the age of 2 in front of me. It's not all that annoying when you watch from afar. I think it's kind of cute. But all in all, I suck with children. Sigh, will I ever become a mother. Mind you, this is coming from a person who once upon a time wanted to be a paediatrician. I'm laughing at the thought of ever becoming a paediatrician. Neonatologist, maybe because neonates don't talk, don't shout, don't walk etc. Actually, I'm not sure if they even cry. Heh, I should be a... Don't know what you call it. The kind that cuts up dead people? Hehe, the dead do not talk, walk, cry, scream, shout, laugh or do anything else for that matter, they just lie there and decompose. Heh. Anyway, I'll go and wallow in my bad mood today. By the way, I think my dad's friend finished the ENTIRE tube of mentos. Me? I don't like Mentos, had too much of it when I was a developing foetus.

2004-10-19T17:45:00.000+08:00

Today is a Tuesday. I just came back from tennis. My coach didn't come. So we just played by ourselves. I can't seem to go into Yahoo!. SO sad. I have mail there but I can't read it. Sigh. I am so BORED! AAAHHHH!!! Ok, I just felt like screaming. I don't know what to do. I don't seem to be in the mood to do anything today. I didn't even feel like playing tennis just now but I just went for the sake of it. I don't want to sleep, I don't want to eat I don't want to read, I actually don't even want to blog but I have othing else to do. I certainly don't want to crack my brain and try to find contents for my site. Sigh. I can't get a proper layout or even colour. And I don't have any pictures. Sigh. Bye. Hugz~

2004-10-18T16:21:00.000+08:00

Hamster!! Ok, nevermind, wrong blog. I didn't have time to blog yesterday eventhough I was online the whole afternoon because I was busy doing my website. It sucks because it has no pictures and practically no content but I'm trying my best.

I wil never ever in my entire life for all of eternity be a cook. I wil poison people. I'm scared of hear, that was a discovery I made when I made fish and chips. (the stuffinto the over for dunno how many minutes kind)and today I cooked myself lunch. If I get left alone without lunch for a few more weeks, I'm going to die of malnutrition. I ate egg with sausages and corned beef inside and chicken balls and milk.

egg= protein
sausages= protein
corned beef= protein
chicken= protein
milk= protein

Hehe... I think I should have salad for dinner tonight.

Anyway, I received the shortest email I've ever received today. It was from my coordinator. It said "Thanks, God bless, A" But I didn't expect the mail let alone expect it to be long because I sent him back an empty email. Hehe. He said he wanted confirmation that I received his email and I didn't know what to write so I just sent him a blank one. I didn't want to use the coconut water inside my head. Don't want it to evaporate just in case people call me light headed. I'm crapping. I've crapped more than this but I'm crapping. Sheesh, I should just shut up. Anyway, nothing. Bye. Auf wiedersehn.

2004-10-16T11:41:00.000+08:00

The posts number is never going to reach 100 is it? Neither will my bowling score. I scored 70 something yesterday... is you add up both my games. Sigh... I got one strike and one spare. That was it. My complete 0s were more. Too many to count. Though I made a complete fool of myself, I had lots of fun. Falling, dropping the all with a thunderous thump, screaming when my ball went into the gutter, jumping and swinging my hands like a lunatic... it was all good fun. Just like ice skating, I am looking forward to the next time I bowl.

I feel like an old auntie. Every muscle and every bone in my body is aching because it was so cold last night and I slept without a blanket. I stole my sister's blanket but she stole it back. Erm... took it back. Hehe. Instead of waking up early as I thought I would have because I slept at ten something last night, I woke up and ten something this morning. Sigh. I just had breakfast, which of course was lovely. Almost anytime you put food in front of me and it would be lovely. Haha... It's my life. Food is the center of my universe so it is the core of the core of the universe... hehehehe. I had bread, butter, kaya and of course, a meal isn't complete without my Milo kosong ping.

Right now, there is an irritating but cute little boy making irritating noises. I can excuse the little boy because he is very young and I think he can't rally talk but his elder brother is mimicking his sounds and that is something I can't stand. I know, I know, I suck with children. They are cute and I like to smile at them but my love for children ceases to continue from there. IRRITATING! Hehe... And to think that I actually used to want to be a paediatrician, I'd probably kill those annoying little brats. If there's one thing I dislike more than noisy children is parents that fail to control them. The parents are sitting in front of me. Since I'm in such a good mood today on a full stomach, I shall spare their lives... hehe, I'm so nice, yes I know...

okays, I'll stop complaining about the people around me right now. Not worth freezing my aching ass to type all that. I'm going to continue doing my website. I seem to have lost the inspiration but I still want to do it. I have to, I have nothing else to do with my time. I bought a new book which I intend to finish sometime soon and then I'll borrow Ed's book and read that one too. Good for general knowledge. HM said she can be my tutor for HTML because I have rather limited knowledge. I went to Kinokuniya on Wednesday and found this book which I found quite useful but it was about RM 80+ so my mum refuse to buy it for me. I intend to get a job but I still don't know what to work as. There's a vacancy near my house here that is 'urgent' It's in a clinic and I'm not sure if I'm willing to sit in a super cold clinic digging dusty files all day. I'm going to ask my mum to ask for me because she know's the doc there. I feel kind of stupid because if I want to work I should apply for the job myself and nt wait form ummy dearest to do so for me. Oh well, I'm a spoilt rotten brat, what's new? I'll stop blabbering now because I realise that with my new blog skin, it's quite difficult to read. Or maybe it's just me needing an eye check. Whatever. Byebye, auf wiedersehn, au revoir, till we meet again...

2004-10-15T20:06:00.000+08:00

I just came back from Sunway Pyramid. It was so fun. I went ice skating for the first time and I fell down three times! THREE! There were little children there and they could skate better than me. Well, despite all the falls, I had lots of fun. I still can't skate very well. I think it's because I don't have enough confidence in myself to leave the sides and skate. I really hope I get to skate again sometime soon. I only skated in the middle once and that was when Karina cut/grazed/whatever her hand and Yun got scared and asked me to go see her. I don't know why Yun was scared. To me, it was so tiny. I admit that I seldom see anything bigger but it wasn't big. The biggest cut I've seen before is W's parang accident. Hehe "swing swing swing and cut yourself" Crap, I lost the pic. Guess you guys can't see the pic of an idiot's parang accident. Even then, it wasn't that bad, only four stitches. HAhahahaah!! I know, I'm so mean.
I still love my blog! Hehe...

2004-10-14T22:40:00.000+08:00

My hundredth post!! YUNYUN YOU ARE MY STAR!! I love you. Ich leibe dich!! I don't know if I spelt it right. I love my blog. Everybody, say thank you yunyun!!! It's so cute. I never expected her to get me a blog with cute wittle teddy bear. I love it. I love every single bit of it. I'm glad we share the same taste or maybe she just knows me so well that she knows I'll love this.
Anyway, PMR IS OVER! I know it's a tad bit late to write about that. Hehe. I thought I wrote a post before this but.. byebye

2004-10-02T17:40:00.000+08:00

I should be studying.. sigh... I don't have anything to say really. I just hope I do well in my exams and that I can make my mamma and dadda proud. My seat in the hall is really horrible. It's right at the corner and it's dusty and it's hot... sigh... But it's not as if I have a choice. So anyway, I just want to wish a Good Luck and God Bless to all those taking their exams. With love,

2004-09-19T15:05:00.000+08:00

Here are the pictures... Cow fish, cow fish and Enzo. You will never guess whree I got the Enzo from.

Above is Cowfish, can't remember where I got the pic. My cowfish has already died. =(

Another Cowfish. I told yo it has horns.

This is a Ferrari Enzo. It's Dr Liew and his Enzo. Haha. Actually, I got this picture from Kimi's official site. Yes, as in Kimi Raikkonen, driver for F1 McLaren team. What a Ferrari was doing there, I have no idea. Pembelot. Haha.

2004-09-18T16:33:00.000+08:00

I don't really feel like blogging because I'm not exactly in my best of moods but I've not bee posting for very long. I've played the mystery of time and space and it was quite fun.
I'm in a point of my life right now that when I pray, I wonder if God is listening to me and helping me or is he just looking at me and laughing at my suffering. I'm just so lost. I wanted to email him and talk to him but I'm not sure if I should because we really aren't that close. In that God bit, he can probably counsel me quite well but is he close enough? I feel so lost because of all my problems, this is one of the problems that I don't have friends to help me. Yun isn't going to understand what I'm going through because of the difference in religion and I don't have anyone close to me of the same religion. I'm not that close to the people in my church so I really am so lost. I'm supposed to trust God that He will find me in this point of my life but how is He supposed to find me if I don't let Him? I believe that there is a God and He is up there. I know I love him. But when I pray, I wonder if He's listening. If he loves me? I would really like to believe that he does. I keep telling myself that He does but yet I'm not sure if I believe myself. It's not just a matter of whether He's listening to me or not, its also because everytime I pray, I feel so ashamed of myself and I just don't know what to do. I feel as if I'm not whorthy of His blessings. That I don't deserve to live because though I love Him in many ways, I have committed sins and then I repent and then I commit them again. I just hate myself... I shouldn't have posted this.. but I did so well, here goes...

2004-09-10T20:00:00.000+08:00

Lalalalalalala..... I got back al my marks already, i am NOT HAPPY with my marks expecially Geo and Sej... Geo!! Whatever happened to study hard study smart... right? Anyway, Nothing much has changed since I last blogged. The premier of The Terminal that I watched was in aid of... erm... The heart foundation I think... in conjuction with International heart Day or whatever. Something like that.
Today in school I didn't study despite having more than ample time to, instead I chat, I sang and I listened to music. Yunyun abandoned me today... she left me all alone in school. I actually didn't want to go to school either but I did. Out of the responsibility in my heart, I did.
My SJ farewell party is on the Saturday right after PMR. In 'yun's house' haha. (yun, I'm stil making sandwiches with you right?) I can get to be the 'bad' person that I am inside on that day. I can do stuff I never got the chance to do before because I am DO! Hahahahahahahahah... When did I become so evil??? I really hope the party will be a sucess. We don't actually have much time to plan it because we have to study for our PMR and all. Sigh, I guess it's worse for the celebrated people because they have SPM and it wouldn't be over until Nov.
I don't have much to blog about although it has been a week since my previous post. Hmm... Right! I have a new fish. Well, it was new but now it's about a week old. It's called a cow fish. If I can find pictures of it on the net I'll post it up. It's really cute. Its horns will come out of the water when my dad puts his finger near the water because he is familiar with my dad and my dad always gived it food however, if a stranger like me puts his/her hand near the water it will 'run' away. It's really cute. It's yellow in colour, with horns, long tail and a flat bottom part of the body. I'll try to find the pics. Byebye...

2004-09-04T19:41:00.000+08:00

argh..... I miss my blog! I miss my computer!! I'm so glad I got it back... For more than a week I didn't get it. Trials were really really really bad!! I don't want to talk about it. On Thursday night I got one and a half hours of sleep and last night I got 14 hours of sleep. Lol. I slept at around two because I was writing my story but I got really tired and decided to sleep and I slept until 4 I think. Yup, 4 p.m. Haha. I went to watch the premier of 'The Terminal' last night. It was ok but nothing special. It has a more or less happy ending. Sigh... I was kind of hoping someone would die or something but no one did. Haha.
I don't really have much to write and my fingers are frozen so I seem to be making a lot of mistakes so I'll just leave my post short here. Byebye.

2004-08-22T13:06:00.000+08:00

I Just came back from church. I didn't go to my usual church, I to the other one. Nearer to myhouse. I met so many polpe there. I saw Aaron, Joshua, Ryan, this guy from my CC, Kevin, a guy from my tuition last year and this other guy who is also from my CC but not as a student. (or nofirmand as we are called) I also saw my aunt but my mother wasn't exactly sure if it was her cousin. Lol. I stayed up to 430 almost 5 last night to write my story and I ended up having a butt ache and a backache. I'm glad I wrote though. I didn't want to stop but I had to because it was almost 5! I had to go church the next day and I didn't want to fall asleep. It is actually quite easy to when I go to this chuch because it's a little less interesting. And it is aircon so all the nicer to sleep in. Lol. I did actually sleep in church once before. When I was younger about 8 or 9 or maybe even 10. I fell asleep on mummy's lap. My mother didn't wake me up, I really don't know why. Anyway, after 15 years of going to the same church almost consistenly every week, I only realised a few weeks ago that my church has a clock at the back. I never saw it there before. Maybe it's new, I don't know but I didn't notice it until a few weeks back. I guess I don't look at the back of my church very often. I don't know. After all, it is no secret that I am a complete blur who's brain is in a jar next to my bed. Haha. I have a birthday party to attend!! I can't wait. Actually, I can because I'll probably die of boredom. The little baby will be the center of attraction but I probably won't be able to get my hands on him. He's so cute. And he has hair! No fair! I had no hair when I was born but of course by his age, I probably did but still... no fair! Anyway, I don't make sense again right? Oh well, time to shut up and I still can't type properly anyway. Byez...

2004-08-21T16:15:00.000+08:00

I'm so bored!! Aahh!!! And I'm so sleepy too. But I musn't go to sleep. Though I did, weirdly enough, have a good sleep last night, if I take a nap today, I'm afraid I might not be able to sleep tonight. Hmm... Maybe it does have something to do with exam stress. But I must study. But if I go home to study, I'm afraid I might sleep instead. I don't have CC tomorrow so I'll probably go CKA instead of my usual church. Sigh... I wonder what I'll have for lunch tomorrow. Tomorrow is Johua's birthday! Joshua is this really really really cute guy who the last time I saw him tried to eat my hand. Lol. His first birthday tomorrow. =) He's really cute!
Guess what I'm eating right now? Seahorse! Erm... Chocolate seahorse that is. Why would they say seashells on the cover if there are seahorses? Anyway, I think I have stopeed making sense since my second letter I typed so I should shut up before the whole world knows my ignorance. Maybe I should go buy a present for Joshua. He's soo cute!

2004-08-21T14:30:00.000+08:00

Someone is soo love sick... hahah... And I am so cold. Idon't even know why I'm posting today. I don't really have anything to say. Yeah, and then I'll probably write dam long post after saying that. Haha... SO typically me right? I can't type properly! I'm using the backspace button more than the keys! This is stupid dowan write liao. Byebye.
p.s. See, not that long wert.

2004-08-20T19:38:00.000+08:00

The "great" mind is at work. After sleeping which I wasn't supposed to do, I woke up feeling extremely bored so I decided to see how much inspiration I had left. It was fading but still there. Not very good but I feel like posting it anyway.

When you stepped into my life

I did all I could do to get you out

but now that you've left

I realise

How much I need you

I can't live my life

Not a day without you

I need you

I love you

I want you back

It sounds like lyrics to a song I know but I'm not sure... Maybe I kind of stole it? Maybe I dreamt of the song and then wrote it down. Lol.. Anyway, there's another one.

I woke up

I looked up

and I saw you

I was afraid

I was alone

and you held my hand

I felt ashamed

I felt embarrassed

and you told me everything was alright

I was in pain

I was unloved

and you comforted me all night

When a tear formed in my eye

you wiped it dry

When I spoke so softly

ahsamed of myself

you listened and reassured me

When I cried and cried endlessly into the night

you came, you loved me

and you made me feel wanted again

how much I love you

How much I care for you

But those words

somehow, never leave my lips.

I know you can feel all that I can

But you never show it.

I know you know how much I love you

And how much you want me to say

Those three words

I love you

Also sounds like lyrics. That's why it doesn't rhyme, I can imagine the tune inside my head which I assure you will disappear by tomorrow. I have no idea why I keep on writing and writing today. But I don't mind. I love writing. Oh, tody, my second essay was like a poem. It contained short sentences especially towards the end. I hope teahcer won't mind. Lol... Anyway, bye. I want to go eat dinner now.

2004-08-20T15:17:00.000+08:00

Today was Pn. Chew's last day. So sad... I'll really miss her. I told her that and I asked her not to forget us. And then I gave her half a hug. Don't ask why half because I raelly don't know. I guess it was because we just happened to stand next to each other rather than opposite each other. I Miss her already! I don't want that stupid Pn. Zohriah teaching us. Pn Chew is known for going out of topic when she teaches and that is really fun. Then she'll start telling us about everything that is irrelevant to KH. Lol. So sad, why does she have to leave us before out PMR? Sigh.
Anyway, while we're on the topic of teachers, I found out that Pn. M is also a catholic. It doesn't make me dislike her any less though. And it doesn't stop me from mocking her hair. Hahaha, I know, I'm such a good student. I guess she can be nice when she wants to but that isn't very often if ever at all.
My nails are long and I started peeling them again because I don't have much to do during the exams when I finish too early. If I finish too early that is. I enjoy writing poems but I can't always get the inspiration to write. Today during English 2, I was so inspired that I couldn't even write my essay beacause all I could think of was my story. Yep, that poem was about my story. I still haven't decided what to write yet. I'm still quite lost. I've dropped the leukemia idea and went with the car crash. I wrote up till the crash part. But it just doesn't make sense. And if the crash is the climax, how can I reach the climax in the seocnd chapter? Sigh, writing even for fun isn't all that easy. It's quite stupid right? I know how I want to end the story but I don't know how to get to that ending. Sigh, everyday, my ideas for the story change. IT changes bit by bit until I end up deleting most of it. It's so frustrating. I want to express myself but I just can't. Sigh, and it's not writer's block. It's writer got too much to write and can't make up her mind. Help me!! Please!! And right now, I'm so bored. I don't have anything to do. I don't feel like playing games so I went blog surfing but there aren't many funny blogs to go to. Oh well, who says with the internet yo can do anything you want? Hmm... Maybe I'll go to Yun's car page or McLaren's site and drool over pictures of Kimi Raikkonen. Hahaha...

2004-08-20T14:23:00.000+08:00

I wrote a poem during English today. I don't think it'll make any sense to you but I'll post it anyway... It doesn't rhyme...

The minute it happened

I couldn't turn back the clock

I couldn't foresee what was to happen

but I knew it could only get worse

Your hugs that often calmed me

Your kisses that often stopped my tears

Your sweet carress that often help me sleep

VANISHED!

Gone for what I thought was eternity

The days I spent with you remained fresh in my mind

as with the thoughts of living a life without you

I couldn't hold on to my meaningless life

But I couldn't break my promise to you

I fell down but no one picked me up

I just fell deeper and deeper into the black hole

Soon seizing to exist

But then, I miracle happened

God came to open my eyes

To uncloud the fog in the darkness

And I could see a ladder out of the pit

But a ladder with spikes

One which hurt with each step out

But I took thar road

The only path God showed to me

With every pierce into my skin

I only thought of you at the other end

I climbed that horrifying painful ladder

revealing the truth that left me bare naked

The embarrassing truth which even you didn't know

It hurt

I was ashamed but courage took me there

The courage of our Lord led me to you

The painful ladder vanished into the past

We are reunited again

Together for eternity.

Please do not take this literally ok? It's just a poem about what wrote in my story last night. Or at least what I thought of writing.

I couldn't sleep again last night as the past few nights. Hot, mosquito, cannot sleep. With the mosquitoes, I couldn't take off my blankie but with the heat, I couldn't leave it on. I drifted in and out of sleep from 12 to 1 and then I got up and walked around. Took the laptop and started writing. Then took my literature book and tried to study. The tried to go back to sleep but it was so hot! And my legs refused to stay under the blanket so the mosquitoes bit me. After that, my legs refused to stay still. I kept kicking my blanket and my bed until my bedsheet almost came off and then I started to cry. Don't really know why. Then I started to pray with all the tears I really hope He could hear me. Then I went out to the hall where I thought of my story somemore. And I finally fell asleep by about 430 or 5. Woke up at 7. Sigh, I think I prefer to die. I came to the office today because I didn't want to let myself take a nap in the afternoon. It might be the cause of my insomnia. But how can I expect to stay up all afternoon if I only get about 3 hours of accumalated sleep at night? Argh... It's so frustrating. Why can't all this happen after PMR? Then if I don't sleep for 48 hours also I won't mind. I did that before. During camp where I got about half an hour of sleep. But that was different. That was camp. This is home where it's supposedly easy to sleep with my baby bolster and my blankie and my comfy bed. I wanted to go curl up beside mummy but I knew my dad would chase me out because he complains I'm too fat which I think he's right. So anyway, lets not talk about sleep shall we? I might start crying again. Maybe I'll get mummy to oi oi me tonight. Lol. I sound like a little girl... Hehe.

Bm trial yesterday, screwed it up. English today. Essay was ok. I felt the first one was better than the second although many of my friends think it the other way. I wrote 441 words in the first essay and I think about 300 in the second but I didn't count. Novel wasn't very good I think. I don't think I can get 10. My science wasn't very good either. I think I just put myself and Mrs. D to shame. Yun and WT probably beat me. Sigh. I really hope it's still an A. Well, on the bright side I still have other subjects to try my luck at. And at least it was only gerak gempur.

Ok, I will stop bla bla ing here and now. So byebye.... I love you!

2004-08-18T22:41:00.000+08:00

I should be studying because I am going to badly in my maths and science tests. I've got BM tomorrow, which I have yet to start studying. I can't type properly because my fingers are really cold. My cousin is online eventhough it is about 2 or three a.m. his time. I feel depressed because of the exams. Tomorrow's exams are trial exams so if I fail, I won't have to sit for PMR with my head attached to my body. Argh! I cannot do this. I just want to quit school and, I don't know, get a job or something. I know that working isn't going to be much easier but at least I get paid. Haih, don't know lar. I just don't feel like doing anything. I just feel like rotting. Anyway, there's only reason why I wanted to post today. And that is to share with you the wonders of my God Jesus Christ... I sound like some crazy fanatic, lunatic person right? Well, there's nothing wrong with wanting to express my love and gratitude to him. I was doing my maths today and then I remembered that I forgot to pray yesterday and I didn't have time this morning so I decided to pray during the maths paper itself. After praying, I did the question which I gad been doing like 5 times and stil couldn't get the answer, and I got the answer! And I wasn't even praying to get that answer, didn't want to bug God about rubbish considering I wasn't going to do well anyway. SO I got the answer! And that's all I wanted to say. Byebye, goodnite...

2004-08-07T16:43:00.000+08:00

My inner child is ten years old!

The adult world is pretty irrelevant to me. Whether
I'm off on my bicycle (or pony) exploring, lost
in a good book, or giggling with my best
friend, I live in a world apart, one full of
adventure and wonder and other stuff adults
don't understand.

How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla

2004-08-06T19:39:00.000+08:00

I need a hug... Anyway, I wanted to write in to the radio stations to inform them that we have a blood donation this Thursday but I called YT and she said that she will ask teacher first and she can only do that on Monday. I am kind of afraid that it might not be in time. But I can't just ignore what she said, can I? And from the few radio stations that I went to, I'm starting to wonder if sending in one email will put it on all the radio stations. Because although the email is different, the telephone number is the same as wellas it being sponsored ot whatever by Celcom. Anyway, maybe when I get the permission to, I'll call instead of email. But all this shouldn't be of much concern to me. I must learn to put my studies ahead of my SJ activities. Sigh, and ahead of my blogging too. I've been online for too much of my time. I never study... Argh, useless pig, I know.
Have you ever known anyone to wipe off the oil off bah kua before eating it? Lol. That's what I did, Ir eally hope that I didn't accidentally eat tissue paper as well. I just couldn't stand it, there was so much oil, I could see it... Yuck. But... **** I'm not supposed to eat meat today! AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! AAAHHHH!!!!!! Sigh, just have to replace with tomorrow I guess. Sigh, I wanted to go out with my aunt tomorrow. Nevermind, I'll replace it anyway. The more I want to eat meat and the more I don't eat it means that it's more of a sacrifice right? Well, I hope so... Sigh... sigh........................ sigh................................... OKok, I'll shut up. But.... Sigh....... I shouldn't be like that. It's for God so I should stop whining and be a good girl... Hehe, if I'm capable of doing that. Anyway, I didn't go CF today and apparently Cristian (or however it's spelled) went. I'm glad he's not all that cute. If he looked anything like Kimi Raikkonen... I know, I know, Kimi is married, you don't have to remind me... But it'snot like I want to marry him anyway, he may just never come back from a race any day and I don't think I'll be able to live with that. Conclusion: I will never marry anyone with a very high risk of coming home dead. ?? Yes, I know I'm mad but hey, I can't help it, I'm born this way... I need a hug and mummy isn't home... Hehe, go hug my pillow but my pillow isn't here... It's at home... I got nothing to hug!! =( Shall give mummy an extra big hug then. =) Yes, that shall be what I'll do. Argh, what's with me and hugs?? Oh well, doesn't change anything, I still wanna hug. My stupid cousin is ignoring me again... I know he's not exactly ignoring me but I kind of pity him because he's always so busy. He's usually doing assignments online and he can be online for hours and hours. He ever reached 1 day remember? If only he wasn't too busy to chat with his little cousin then at least I wouldn't be so bored. I am dead bored. I ahve nothing to study. I know that that's a lame excuse but I really didn't bring my books to study. Because I just came back from tuition and the only things I have with me are BM papers. Maybe I should go study my Komsas? Oh well, not in the mood. I'll be back... I shall go see what to do now. Maybe go concentrate on my story eventhough I have no idea what to write... Should I write about leukemia, like hwat I originally thought of, or about car accident? But either way, she's going to end up with some sort of disease because I already know how I want to end it. Byebye.

2004-08-05T14:11:00.000+08:00

Piano exam just over!! I did horribly and have no idea how to tell that to my aunt and teacher but I'm glad it's over. I played A minor contrary wrongly. A minor!! Do you know what A minor is!! It is a scale with no sharp and no flats!! Aaaaahhhhh.... I made mistakes in every piece. My first being the worst of all. My first is usually the best, don't know what happened. My sight reading wasn't very good. I made quite a few mistakes. Played wrong notes, no flat played flat when got sharp, never play the sharp. My aural was not very good either. Singing the upper part melody was ok, sight singing was very very bad, cadence was ok but I think I answered major minor thing wrong. 6D was not very good, not very bad. He asked about the dynamics of the piece. He said he will ask about the texture in the beginning but he didn't. Thankfully! When he said he would ask on texture I freaked out. I had no idea what on earth was texture... He didn't ask the composer which was good because I wouldn't have been able to answer. Clapping a short melody wasn't very good, I think I missed out on a few notes. So that's about it. The examiner was a guy. Malcolm something or other.m Cute. =PPPP Older than my father lar. After the horror part was over, he asked if I was working so I told him I was still studying and he said " he liked my uniform" Lol, I was and am wearing a beige bluse and black skirt. Don't get me started on the shoes. And then he said "thank you for coming here to play" I think I should have said, "I'm sorry for trying to make you deaf" Hehe. He was quite nice, very smiley. Smile smile smile, dunno for what oso. It must be a fake smile because who on earth can smile with such horrible music? oh well, no more whining. It's over. I'm glad it is because now I have no more excuse to not concentrate on my PMR. My aunt is coming today, can't wait.
There will be a public duty this Saturday but I'm not going. Honestly, just between you and I, I really want to go but...
1. My aunt is here and I want to go out with her.
2. I will not go because I want that useless vice who is currently avoiding the pressie to go. He's a form 4 and he ahs never been to any duty before. I think it is about time for him to get off his fat a** and start acting like a vice. He is in a board of mostly form threes. He has to do more of the work when it's so near PMR. Siew Li has agreed to go but she can only stay until 1 so useless vice one has to go. I don't care even if he's busy, he can't expect to get a beautiful leaving school cert without any work. I think there is only one SJ that reads my blog so don't spread out that I said this k? If YT finds out that I can actually go, she'll kill me.
Yes, it's true. MY(our vice) is avoinding YT. In duty and probably even in first aid, I think that he is no better than the form twos. He's certainly worse than form threes because he has never been to any duty. SOme of the F2s have already been to their first duty. I'm proud of them. Like Alvin, NK, JC and others, they have been on duty before. I think MY didn't even sell car sitckers for flag day. Not with us at least. Sigh, the f3s have to chaperone the f2s when there are actualyl enough f4s to do that. But I don't mind doing so much for SJ. The thing that I do mind is that the F4s are sitting on their heavy butts and getting all the credit. Sigh, I know. I have to go get a life right? Sigh... I want to play the piano. =/ Anyway, byebye. I need sleep, toilet and food. Lol.

2004-08-01T14:41:00.000+08:00

I haven't been using HTML lately... been too lazy. Sigh... I haven't even taken a look at my template yet. I actually wanted to change the cursor but lazy... Anyway, I should be studying... Believe it or not, I haven't even started studying yet... I know PMR is round the corner but I just can't study. I can't concentrate on anything anymore. I read slower, I don't write my story anymore, I don't enjoy anymore. It's like my whole life has become one boring, lifeless, meaningless piece of crap. Actually, there still is one thing which I can think about, St John... It has been on my mind since I got the post. I just keep thinking of what to do for the nexxt meetings and what to do with the first aid kit and what first aid topics would be fun to teach. But I don't really enjoy doing all that because it's quite stressful. I think my parents are starting to get pissed at me as well because I can't hold a conversation with them for more than five minutes without arguing. It's like my temper is getting shorter, my life is getting boringer and I am just melting into nothing. Nothing. I don't have the mood to do anything. I only eat and eat and think of eating more and then complain I'm fat. Argh...! Nevermind, maybe I'm not in the best of moods today. Well, I don't know why. Jason took another group today because one of the groups had no facilitator. He wore a "bling bling" (or however u spell it). The reason I put in in inverted commas is because it wasn't a bling bling. It was a stuffed blue dog which he hung on his chain. It was soooooooooooooo cuuuuuuuuuteeeeeeeeeeeee!! Cutest thing I've ever seen... cuter that Jason himself. Hahah, it's the truth. Oh well, I shall go wallow in self pity now as i cannot study nor can I eat nor can I sleep. Sigh, and I can't write my story either... I miss him.... my character in my story. By the way, can you guys see my tagboard? Because I can't.

2004-07-31T11:34:00.000+08:00

Can I ask how to change font color??? Anyway, I have sj duty afterwards... I think it's going to be boring. Anyway, remmeber last time I had squash duty? Yes, the one where there wasn't a cute player cos Aaron R isn't in Msia. Well, because I went for that duty I think it is considered that I went for squash tournament... I think so! I hope so! It's national level so if it is considered as I went for tournament, lucky me! I know my leaving school cert is going to have too few sports because I don't even join anything except tennis which I sux at. SO at least now I have squash... Lol, I can see it now. Imagine when I go for an interview for uni... and then I will be asked "so how's your squash? Must be good since you went for national" And I shall reply " I dunno, there weren't any cute guys" =P Hehe, man I am never going to get a place in the uni. If you were wondering, my life does not revolve around the not cute guys in the world...
I went for CF yesterday and it was about BGR and we were told that we're still too young for stuff like that so I made a promise to God that I will remain single for the next three years. Although I still don't know what I'm going to do in those three years yet. Actually, the one thing that got successfully drilled into my thick skull in church camp was that I am too young for BGR. So well, no more W, no more J and no more smile. It will be just me and God and my friends... My cousin is ignoring me again.
I sent him an icq msg asking him if he was free and he doesn't even reply. Can't he reply a simple no? My sis says he's probably doing assignment online. Shouldn't he be in the hospital or something? Sigh, I wish I could go see him. Not because I miss him but because I want to go to NZ. Jasmine is there, Aaron is there, Peng is there, and of course, my cousin is there. even my long lost friend Jasryn is there. I wonder what happened to her? I lost contact with her when I was around Std 4 or maybe even three. We used to email each other (yes I had email in std 3) and then she changed her email add a few times and then we emailed only once or twice and then we just lost contact. I never emailed her and she never emailed me. I think it was also because three was a period of time when my hotmail was left unused and then became an inactive account so I guess she couldn't email me and then all my contacts were gone so I couldn't email her. I don't remember her email. I used to send her snail mail too but I lost that address too. Sigh, she isn't the only friend I've lost contact with. I still can remember Alicia, she went to Australia. The last time I saw her was in Std 5 or 6 when she came back for a holiday. She never left any address or email or anything. Sigh. And also Hannah, she didn't even leave the country, in fact she's just a few km away but she changed school in Std 6 and ever since then, I never saw her again. We did initially call each other but the phone calls got less and less and finally nothing. She didn't ahve email then regardless or how much I bugged her to get one. She was a really close friend. In fact, all of the people I lost contact with used to be really good friends. The kind of friends which we used to share all out secrets with. The ones that witnessed us cry before and be silly in front of each other. Play together, all our embarrassing moments shared together. Our ups and downs. That is what true friends are like. Well, I still have true friends now, one of them is probably reading this post, knows my password and can hack into my account as and when she likes because I trust her. The other probably getting installed into interact as I write this post. The other watching my other friend get installed. =) Sigh, I love friends and I don't want to imagine what life would be like without these lovely people I've been blessed with. I love them. All of them. =)... I think I just revealed the one side of me that rarely if ever comes out on my blog. Hehe, the sweet side of me perhaps? Oh dear, what would this do to my reputation?? Hehe... Love ya, you know who you guys are.

2004-07-27T18:42:00.000+08:00

Aww... my poor wittle bloggie woggie has been negwected... Ok, whatever. German guy= not cute, Spanish guy= not cute. conclusion= my life is just as boring as it was before.... Sigh... Okok, nevermind. I was suffering from withrawal symptoms the past few days as it has been a long long time since I came online. I know. Right now, I'm in the middle of a conversation with W talking about sperm bank. =/ It's been so long since I came online, even blogger has changed... =( Anyway, just wanted to share this site with you guys. Most of you probably wouldn't be interested but yun, i advice you to go there because a certain cute guy said he wanted us to be in something like that next year.SJ Competition So anyway, I don't have much to write because I really forgot how to write in a blog. Lol. Well, it seemed that long to me.
Ok, I went to Melaka last Saturday to do stuff. Ate satay celup which made my clothes smell of food. I went all the way to Melaka and ate porridge. =/ Don't ask. I had a craving for it. So anyway, I stayed at Golden Legacy or something like that because it was near Tesco and my mum had stuff to do there. So erm, the next day we went to eat chicken rice and we walked somewhere to go shopping but there wasn't much to buy. =( And then we went home. It was a short trip, really.
There's going to be public duty this Saturday, and I have to get the first aid kits complete. Haih, it's going to cost us alot. If you go to the link, you can see that other schools' kits are so complete. It's so unfair!! We collected RM900+. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Haih, either way, I really hope we will do better next year. So anyway, byebye.

2004-07-09T19:37:00.000+08:00

Ok fine, I will post after all. My mood was lifted by the sound of my mother's voice. Probably the only voice I heard when I was still a little foetus. If foetuses can even hear that is. Anyway, I went for the stepping down ceremony for SJ today, Like duh! YT got president. PG and some form 4 guy MY got VP. I don't think that MY deserves the post because I barely saw him until this year. Bah, power hungry people. Anyway, who cares about everyone else? I got two posts. One is Quarter master, not sure of the spelling. And that role is the same as store keeper. My other post is *smiles widely and evilly* D.O. That stands for Discipline Officer Hahahahahaha... finally a way to show my evil side. Lol. My leetle juniors are teasing me. Hah, just wait till I find a reason to punish them. I was half shocked when I got DO. When YK said and DO is... I didn't put my hands together to get ready to clap because something inside me told me that I won't need to clap. And true enough I didn't. Well, I am happy with that post, it's a new post so I have no one to ask for help if i need it but well, I'm sure I can handle it. YK said I have to improve on my marching if I want to be good at that post. =( Hate marching. Anyway, I only got the QM post because they had no one else to choose. I don't mind, I really like the posts! Hahahaha, I was so excited, I was hugging everyone I saw. I hugged YH, Yun and even Mei Anne. Lol. Anyway, I go to go now to eat! I love to EAT! Muahahah.... Ok, I declare myself, officially high. haha. bye and bite.

2004-07-06T20:25:00.000+08:00

I can't believe what a chauvanistic world I'm living in. I was only recently made aware that Muslim women in our country can't divorce their husbands. I wonder if the Muslim people in this country are moving forwards as God meant it to be or backwards because their too afraid to accept change. How ridiculous is that? I know of a person, her husband was/is having an affair and she wanted to divorce him but he didn't want to. She sought the help of an equally chauvanistic religous advised or whatever who told her not to get a divorce. Her husband then said that he has regretted and won't do it again. Yeah? Well, he comes home at 4 every night. Here's another frustrating bit. He's useless in child bearing (if you get what I mean) so even if I went up to him and cut his balls off, nothing much will change. So anyway, he doesn't want a divorce because she has money. She also went to her mother-in-law and well, she doesn't want a divorce either, obviously. It's so unfair! How can they do this to women? Are women really the weaker sex just because they can't pee standing? Although I'm glad to say that many parts of the world has changed for the better, they have realised that we are different but equal. And there are even certain tribes where females dominate the males! How can MY country do this to women? Can they not see how silly they are being? Women aren't the weaker sex nor are men.

2004-07-06T18:56:00.000+08:00

ART= White fonts on white background is art.

2004-07-05T16:10:00.000+08:00

Yun, be a sweetie and dwnld the baby blue skin for me? thanks.. i tried to download the thing but the notepad came out blank so... help me if youre free k? thanks.... eeewww...... i cant believe i just called u sweetie.. YUK!!! oh. btw, i tld W that u think hes a sarcastic bastard... lol.. i wanted to ruin his ego a bit.. dun mind yar?? hahahahahahhaha

2004-07-02T14:19:00.000+08:00

Hahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahah..... Erm, sorry. I'm a little high now because I'm still kind of depressed. Oh well, at least I'm not being avoided. School was kind of dull today, I was hit about a million times by WC because I looked outside the window. She also tried to steal Jian's watch and phone. Unfortunately, he isn't as absent minded as WC thought he might've been. I don't really want to be here right now but I wasn't given a choice so here I am. I am really bored. Although I created a neopets account yesterday, I odn't really feel like playing it. I know it's childish but I was kind of obessesed the day before. I collected a few thousand NPin just one day because I was so damn bored that all I did was play games. I tried going into my old account but I couldn't. Honestly, the only thing I feel like doing right now is sleeping. I'm in desperate need for sleep. I am so tired. The thing about school is that I can't sleep in class on the table because it's difficult to breathe and I can't sleep on the table because I will get a neckache. I'm gong to get a backache soon because the stupid chair I'm sitting on right now is so damn low.
I want to study but I don't want to study, I want to go 1u but I can't go 1u, I want to sleep but I shouldn't sleep and I want to love him but I musn't love him. Sigh... We're actually still on good terms but I know I can't like him. It will make things awkward around us. Especially since he's made it pretty clear that he's my senior. Geez... Yesterday, he said "at least you're not like my friend, like a teacher" He does know that I used to have a crush on a med. student but I didn't tell him that he was my teacher. Hehe... There are somethings that he was better off not knowing. 5 years isn't that big a gap actually, if I was 20. Well, since I don't seem to have any chance anymore with W, I shall gotry my luck with J. Hehe. Nah, I think I don't know J well enough. He is rather rebellious, not my type. nI prefer the sweet, innocent, kind, caring type. Hmm... then why do I like W? Anyway, don't listen to the ramblings of a confused soul. me being the 'confused soul' Byebyez darlingz... I'll miss you and remember, I love you... =P

2004-07-01T19:51:00.000+08:00

Somebody kill me,
My life is meaningless now,
I don't want to live any longer,
not through this pain and embarrassment.

I made the wrong move once,
I may never learn from my mistake,
I will never look him in the eye again,
oh, this pain and heartache.

Leave me alone,
I don't even want to see my face,
I have made a mistake,
the consequences are mine to take.

I can't live through this pain,
somebody kill me,
My heart is shattered,
into a million pieces,
somebody kill me.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOMEBODY KILL ME!!! PLEASSEE!!!!!!!!!!! I read all the signs wrong.... I embarrassed myself just as I feared. My fears have all materialized, and I can't make them disappear... helpp... help.

2004-06-30T16:34:00.000+08:00

I went to Pasar Seni the other day, to sell my SJ stickers. Lalala... nothing interesting happened... partly because I'm not in the mood to blog right now. My mind is too filled up with other things. Other things that shall remain between Yun and I. If all goes well, then I'll blog about it. But chances are, it's going to be a very embarrassing thing for me so I won't blog about it. Either way, wish me luck and pray that I will have more courage and I will have St. Anastasia's destiny awaiting me. St Anastasia was a daughter of a nobleman (which I'm not), she was called the medicine woman for some reason I can't remember and she married a pagan. In this case, meaning a non-Christian. Well, wish me luck, pray with all your might... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry, just releasing stress... Bye

2004-06-25T19:11:00.000+08:00

I so damn like your blog!!!!!!! YUNNNN!!!! It's so nice. Since when your html suddenly so good? Go study lar, while I try to learn html. I learn until I going siao already. I forget everything I learn and mostly, I don't know how to use them... as in apply them. I already deleted the link to your blog today so no worries unless he saw it before. My arm/shoulder is aching because of to much arm wrestling. OW!! It's stupid because I am the one 'suffering' in pain and yet, I still lost. Haih... If any idiot out there wants to say it has something to do with me being a girl, I suggest you don't say it because you might lose your ~~balls~~ head. Ahem, sorry for me using strike outs recently, I just learned to use them. I simply try the code and it worked! Haha, anyway... I shall go learn HTMl now. Byebye... I love you!

2004-06-24T17:49:00.000+08:00

Haha, I must never sing rubbish in front of my dad... I just sang..
"Boy, I miss your kisses, man I am out off tune, 25 minutes too late, I am so out of pitch, even my key is wro...ong, all my lyrics aren't right..." and I stopped there because my dad looked at me as if I went crazy. Haha, don't blame him. As if it wasn't bad enough that my singing sucks, I had to sing rubbish as well.
My sis was reading my frenster testimonials just now and she was criticizing each and everyone of it except the one where Yun put I was an ah kua. W said I didn't eat and she almost laughed her head off. Haih... haha. Oh well, I guess I am different when friends see me and when my family sees me. Well, some family only of course. I am not including the "family" that forgets me and thinks that I'm my sister. Stupid cousin. Too stress edy lar he.

2004-06-24T17:20:00.000+08:00

I didn't know it was such a special day today. Pity I didn't ~~self~~ declare holiday today. when I become the Queen of England, I will declare June 24th a holiday! And I'll invite my prime minister over for tea. Hehe.

Today, we celebrate St. John's Day. Not many of us know about this date or its significance.

Well, in the church calendar, this is the day celebrated in honour of Saint John the Baptist who baptized Jesus. It is also the holiday of all who bear the Saint's name.

I believe in St. John Ambulance, we too celebrate St. John's Day every 24th June in honour of St. John and its link to the Order of St. John.

The Significance of St. John's Day

The summer months represented for the Carpatho-Rusyns the period of the most intensive work in the fields, and accoldingly the customs of these months were not as rich as the customs practiced in winter or spring. The central festival of the summer period was connected with St. John's Day which falls on June 24. The saint was variably called Jan, Ioan, or Kupala, and the festival itself in some places had the name of Ivanden' -- John's Day. It was a summer solstice festival, occurring when the sun reached its highest point and resulting in the year's longest day and shortest night. It was also the highest point for the crops, signaling the arrival of the most important event in the peasant's year-round schedule - the harvest.

It is perhaps no wonder that plants, and not only agricultural plants, were believed to be endowed with magical powers exactly at this time of the year. Women and girls would collect various herbs before sunrise, and having had them consecrated in church, they would keep them in their households until the next year. Most frequently the plants were hung near the icons, and since they were believed to have magical powers, the herbs would be used both for medical treatment and for magic rites. Sometimes the "St. John herbs" (zilja) would be tied with a whip in the hope that the symbolic gesture would help keep the cattle in the pasture together.

Of the many herbs used in Rusyn folk medicine the most - popular were ivanok (Hypericum perforatum), devjatsyl (Inula Helenium), odylja (Valeriana officinalis), mjata (Menta piporita), rumjanok (Matriria chamomila), and Nirobij (Hypericum perforatum). Even some poisonous herbs were used for curative purposes, such as rostopast' (Chelidonium majus) and nadragulja (Atropa belladona).

The eve of St. John's Day was a special day for the boys and girls of the village. They would meet at a particular place, usually at a hill above the village where they would make a bonfire, sing songs connected with St. John's Day, dance, and generally make merry. This custom known as sobitka was most widespread in the western part of the Presov Region. In the village of Jakubany near the district town of Stara L'ubovna, the custom is alive even today. The local boys dip torches in pitch, light them, and then walk with them up to the nearest hills where they start several imposing bonfires. Soon thereafter they are joined by village girls bringing each a bundle of straw with which to feed the fire. The ring of bonfires surrounding the village offers a truly unforgettable sight. In some villages in the past the bonfires were used also for burning discarded objects such as birch rods, baskets, straw binders, etc., in what was a symbolic purification of old bad habits. Also burned in the bonfires were the last year's "St. John's herbs." The sobitka celebrations in the village of Kruzl'ov near Bardejov also included the interesting custom of rolling a burning wheel wrapped in straw down to the village in a symbolic imitation of the movement of the sun.

An indispensable part of the festivities were the special sobitka songs. One of their most frequent themes were the requests addressed to St. John for a good harvest. As one of the songs recorded in the village of Makovica near Svidnik would have it:

A ty Jane, svatyj Jane,
Osvet ze nam syre pole,
Syre pole i pasnycju.
Zyto, oves i psenicju.

And you, John, St. John,
Bless our broad fields,
Broad fields and the pastures.
Rye, oats and wheat.

Another group of sobitka songs dealt with the joys and sorrows linked with love. Often these songs would make public even the more profane love secrets, such as the pregnancy of an unmarried girl, like the following song recorded in the village of Becherov near Bardejov:

A na Jana, na Jakuba,
Kapral'ova Marca hruba.
A od koho? Ta od toho
Od Jozka Lescysynoho.

On St. John's Day, on St. James' Day
Mary Kapral' came with child.
By whom? By him
-- Joe Lescysyn.

Another related theme of the sobitka songs was the mutual teasing between boys and girls. As research into the village customs of the past attests, the St. John's festivities were one of those exceptional occasions when a certain amount of sexual freedom was tolerated. The fact that the freedom sometimes went too far found its _expression also in the lyrics of some of these songs recorded in the village of Kruzl'ov near Bardejov:

Na Ivana, na Kupala,
Hanca kabat zal'ustala,
Neznala ho vyrajbaty,
Musyla ho chlapcom daty.
Chlopcy kabat postelili,
A Hancu vinka zbavyly.

On St. John's Day
Annie soiled her skirt
She did not know how to wash it.
And so gave it to the boys
They spread the skirt.
And stripped Annie of her virtue

Some of the other customs connected with St. John's Day were, nevertheless, more serious in intent. After finishing the sobitka festivities, for instance, girls would throw wreaths into the stream in order to learn more about their future: the girl whose wreath was taken away the farthest by the stream was expected to marry the soonest. In another custom, young people would leap over fire with a double purpose: to purify their souls symbolically, and to "draw" from the fire the strength needed for the forthcoming harvest.

Among other things, the night of St. John's Day (like the nights of some other important days) was also believed to be the night of witches (bosorkanja). In many villages, legends were told about the "annual meetings" of the witches at imaginary places like "Black Mountain." "Bald Mountain," and "Devil's Hill." These meetings were believed to serve the purpose of accepting new arrivals into the witches' ranks and dividing the domains of their activity among themselves. Yarns were spun about the orgies which were supposed to accompany the meetings. According to legends many other strange things happened on that night: treasures hidden in the earth came to light (almost literally, because their appearance was first announced by fires bursting out on the surface); ferns began to blossom; trees would start to speak among themselves and move from place to place, etc.

After World War II, most customs connected with St. John's Day, especially the lighting of bonfires, ceased to be practiced. Recently, however, some of them have been revived on the initiative of folklore groups and with the endorsement of various cultural organizations. This revived tradition has, of course, a merely entertaining value, with the belief in the magic implications of the customs no longer extant.

(extracted from C-RA Vol VII #4)

2004-06-23T18:03:00.000+08:00

As I promised, camp pics. The description is below each pic.
[IMG]http://img36.photobucket.com/albums/v108/ptgc89/Telematch-overview3.jpg[/IMG]
This was during the 'trial' telematch, all our hands were tied together with rafia string. We had to move with all fours on the floor as you can see and we pulled quite hard so when I went home, I had bruises on my hands. Ow... Hehe, one of the teams almost masuk the longkang.

[IMG]http://img36.photobucket.com/albums/v108/ptgc89/Telematch-wet-overview.jpg[/IMG]
Same game only this was during the real match. The seniors were throwing water baloons at us when we were doing this. Sadistic people.

[IMG]http://img36.photobucket.com/albums/v108/ptgc89/Telematch-overview1.jpg[/IMG]
This is after the telematch that's why we are all wet. Fun though, it was really cold. Woke me up. (Remember, I slept only half an hour that previous night)

[IMG]http://img36.photobucket.com/albums/v108/ptgc89/LYK-stretching.jpg[/IMG]
This is the cute one of YK stretching. Cute right? Looks like a cat stretching, the only difference is that a cat would probably expect you to scratch it and if you scratched YK, he would probably kill you.

[IMG]http://img36.photobucket.com/albums/v108/ptgc89/Nathalie-Jane-Patricia.jpg[/IMG]
This is a bunch of us. I odn't even remember taking this photo to be honest. Oh well, this was also taken after the telematch

2004-06-23T17:30:00.000+08:00

I am going to go mad just trying to make that stupid website. I tried uploading some photos but they were all too big. Oh well... I go tmy camp photos already so I'll post some of the more interesting ones (the ones without my butt) when I upload them. Lol. W once told me that he thinks PG likes my butt, well, now I understand why. It's only two photos. Anyway, there is one with YK stretching, he looks so cute. As in kitten-cute kind of cute. Anyway, I think most people, excluding me, are busy studying now because no one is ever online. Haih, so boring. I know that it is supposed to tell me to go study but I can't concentrate and I want to check my email as often as I can. To do that, I have to stay for at least a few hours here unless I want to walk back with my bag and everything. I might, later but I'll think about it. It may be a short walk but with all my school bag and books as well as my tuition bag... it seems like miles away. Today, my tuition teacher gave us 8 new book, and there are 2 more coming. She is mad! She asked us to do quite an amount of work, I know it's a form of study but I do want to concentrate on my history and geography. I think I'll start staying up nights instead of trying in vain to study when the sun is out. I can't seem to study when the sun is 'wathcing' me. Last night, I slept at 2 and surprisingly, I felt more awake than usual days. Although I have to admit, getting up was a bit more difficult compared to 12 hours of sleep. I am glad that I have finally passed up my stupid KH project. I don't think I'll get full marks but I hope it will be an A. I don't know why Miss Chew, the counsellor, didn't really help us with a study plan. I know it was basically get a time table. I can make beautiful time tables but I almost always never stick to them unless it consists of 20 hours sleep and 4 hours eat. Hehe, like a koala, 22 hours sleep, 2 hours eat. Man, I want to be a koala. So cool. All it ever has to od is eat, sleep and those in the zoo will have to let people carry. I found out that YT beat my total score by more than 100 marks. Cool eh? And she got 4 in her class. If I was in her class, I would get worse than last. Freak. The highest in her class and probably the form got 800 something. SY. Freaker. Anyway, I want to see if I can go home now. Maybe sleep or something. If I have time, I'll upload the pics.

2004-06-22T15:34:00.000+08:00

I got 5th in class.... so sad.. As always, it dropped. So anyway, I have yet to tell my parents my results. When I do, I can go to school without my head. Won't that be fun? The library can have a real 'live' hantu. But I won't be alive. I'll be unalive.. hehe, not dead. So, I forgot to bring the camp photos again. So dumb. I haven't sold a single car sticker. W is going to kill me and so are the rest of my SJ ppl. I bet some of my jrs have already sold more than me. I got nobody to sell to lar... so sad. I'm waiting for my dad's students but I'm not sure if they'll buy. Something is wrong with friendster right now. I can't go into it. I sent my second cousin a message asking him for his icq or email and he replied me "ure felicia teh right? been pretty busy lately, sorrie for the mix up. Yours sincerly..." WHAT THE!!! Mind you, he sent that same message five times. He's lucky I can understand that he's busy. He's studying in NZ and I haven't seen him since last year CNY. How can he forget me? I still can remember, we used to play cards during CNy when I was young and we would play the "hit hand thing" I can't remember what it's called. And we also played "atari" before. For those of you who haven't heard of it, it's similar to PS but my mum bought it when she was pregnant with me or my sis. I know he also used to play basketball with my sis' exbf. He was from our school. I don't understand how he can forget me? His little cousin. I know we never met or even talked often because of the age gap but I never expected him to forget me! Imagine if I didin't add him on my friendster list, when he comes back from NZ, I would be lost from his memories completely. Oh, did I add? He sent me five of the same messages, neither of which answered my question. He is over stressed. I better go refresh his memory. Remind him that he has a little cousin. Sigh... sad case. Anyway, I want to go work on my website somemore. It still isn't finish. Byebye.

2004-06-19T16:49:00.000+08:00

HellO!! I just came back from NHQ again. It didn't seem so haunted because there were so many other people around. Ki Jun went into the corridor and went "woooooo" and he scared Alex because Alex didn't know anyone was in the corridor. Lol. So anyway, I bought Yun her badges, buttons and headgear so all she has to buy now is the white uniform.(you should be able to get it from professor but make sure it looks something like mine, I'll teach you where to sew what) So anyway, it was very unorganized. We went to school at 8, Hani went at 835 because she thought the meeting started at 830. Then PG gave out the car stickers and tins for flag day. I have 15 car stickers to sell and I really don't know where to sell them. A few of my junior took 30, I'm so proud... awww..... Anyway, I hope that we will go sell it in places like 1u and stuff, probably can sell finish in a day.

Yesterday, we had a SJ interview. I screwed it up, very very badly. At first, YK said that in the beginning, I stood out from the rest but once YT and PG got into the picture, I seem to be left behind. Why? I told him that it was because everyone else was in Ang and I was in Kia so nobody wants to come all the way upstairs to discuss anything with me. Then he asked why didn't I go down to discuss with them instead? Why couldn't I ask them instead of expect them to come tell me? And I couldn't answer him. I was already nervous and they were all being really serious, I could actually hear my voice shivering. I think they all heard it. I was so scared. They asked me also, how would I prioritise if SJ activities clashed with my church times. And then they asked why would I deserve to be president. Want to know what I replied? "YT deserves to be a president more than I do" I actually said that. Then I said that I was actually very loyal to SJ and YK said that people like Shashi was also loyal to SJ so why should I get the pressie post instead of him. I took really long to answer him, W glanced at his watch a few times on purpose. Then I also said that I could organise thing much better than they can, a part of me feels that it is a complete lie. They also asked what post do I want and I said I didn't care. The last question was "describe yourself in one word" I thought for really long on that question and guess what stupid answer I came up with? QUIET!!! What kind of stupid answer is that? Later when W aclled me, I asked him if that answer was stupid and he said "Of course lar, when you said that I was like what the??" Lol. I was really nervous. So much to the fact that I didn't really know how to talk. I was so scared. Apparently, a few people almost cried. I really screwed it up. I was partly aiming for the vice post but after the interview, I am sure that I completely lost it (both my sanity and the post) Sigh... Well, I was lucky that I saw HM outside so I could talk to her about it. I was really disappointed with myself and HM was there to cousel me. Thankfully! I think I could have cried if she wasn't there. I still am very disappointed but like my mum and HM said, there's no point in being disappointed after the interview is over. I just have to wait for the results.

Anyway, away from depressing topics... Hmm...I finally got the SJ camp photos but I left it in the car. So maybe one day soon, you guys will get to see my camp photos. I miss camp. I wonder if we will get the photos for church camp. I really hope we do, then you all can see how bad my taste is. Hehe. But J's eyes are the most beautiful thing anyone has ever seen before. Really! They are really big. So sweet. Love them. And of course, his fingers are yet another thing I love about him. Hehe. I touched it before!! Lol. So anyway, I want to go to friendster now because there is nothing to do there. Or maybe I'll go continue building my website. I'll put a link here when it's done and ALL of you have to got there at least once or else, a flying pig will find you and pour poisonous chinese tea down your throat. Hehe. ByeByez

2004-06-16T17:15:00.000+08:00

I am bored... I created a new website, all about SJ, first aid actually. Is first aid spelled with a hyphen? Well, who cares. W is annoying me. I yesterday told him I like a guy from Samad by the name of J.... and just now, I told him I was kidding him. I told him because he was so damn annoying. Everytime he see me online, he will ask. I felt like strangling him or hitting him would have been just fine. Lol. So anyway, yesterday I was really pissed at him because I wasn't in a very good mood and I was trying to do my website but I couldn't and he kept on talking to me eventhough I said bye and then when I asked him to stop disturbing me, like a little kid, he sent me dot dot dot through ICQ. Many many times. So I scolded him and he was sorry sorry a few times. And then we somehow got onto the topic of PMS (don't ask me how) and he was like "oh, so you got your period today ar?" He is so disgusting. If I got also I won't tell him lar. And he asked me again just now through SMS. That guy is really weird, immature and dumb so I really can't see what I see in him. He got 32 for his moral by the way and 3/100 for his Sejarah subjective paper. Sad case. Yesterday, he tried to "bond" with me by asking me what my parents work as and after he found out, he expected me to tell him my crush. I can't even remember what his mother works as anymore. It's not as if I care.

Yesterday while eating dinner, my sis said she wasn't feeling well so we got up to leave the place and suddenly she fainted. I didn't even know she fainted because I was to busy eating. Lol. (I know I'm such a good sister and SJ) After that, my mum freaked out eventhough my sis kept on saying she was feeling fine. We went to a doctor but we couldn't find out what was wrong with her. My mum thought she was drunk but the doctor said she wasn't. So we still don't know what is wrong with her. Healthcare is starting to cost a bomb. He charged us RM50 for a few minutes of his stupid time and some ORS. So expensive. The chair was nice though. Soft soft, blue blue. My mother treated my sister like a little kid. Everything the doctor asked, she would answer. So annoying, I bet the doctor was annoyed. I'm sure he wouldn't be if the patient was three but my sis is 20! Sigh... mothers... Anyway, the ants are still all over the table so I can ecpect SPCA to come any moment. Hehe, I squashed quite a few already. So annoying, it's almost as bad as W. but not as bad as. So anyway, my hands are starting to hurt from to much typing everyday so byebyez.

2004-06-12T15:44:00.000+08:00

There, happy? I changed it back. Now everything is easy to read again... Boring lar like that. Anyway, I don't want to type so long, my previous post was so long, even I didn't want to read it. Lol. Anyway, remember I wrote that I kind of scolded Gene? Well, guess what he did? He tattled to my sister. Like little kid only. The other day I was sitting with my sister and I told her that I sent Gene a message scoliding him and she said she knew. He told her "Aiyoor, your sister the other day send me one long lecture." Lol. Serves him right. Now to go lecture my sister... Haha. Anyway, byebye.

2004-06-08T13:37:00.000+08:00

Sigh, just came back from camp... I already miss camp. =( Camp was so FUN!!!! I loved it. I loved the people mostly because the food wasn't nice, most of the sessions were boring, except the ones on sex and sexuality. Hehe, no demonstration. That was the first thing the speaker said when he came in. And there was a rather disappointed sigh. Haha. So anyway...

First day of camp
Arrived at church at about 8 and we were all standing around as the facilitators tried in vain to get us in order. I went there and stood with my group, J included. Cant remember what he was wearing because my brain was still fast asleep in the jar. So after that they finlly got us in order and we went into the bus. I was in a different bus because my group had to be split up. I was originally supposed to be in the bus that he was in but one of the girls exchanged with me so.. =( Anyway, the convent(IJ) wasn't very far away. It was up a hill, nice view but there was a swampy thing so there was a lot of mosquitoes at night. So, when we arrived at IJ we all gathered at the canteen and then the guys went sop their dorms and the girls to our dorms. The girls' dorms were quite nice. It was one person to a cubicle, each cubicle had one bed, one mosquito net, one table, one cupboard and one chair. Quite a lot of privacy compared to the guys'. We had a curtain as a door. If I get pictures, I'll post them up. So after we put all our stuff, we had beakfast of really spicy mee hoon. Later, we went to the hall for our first session which was introducing the theme "knowing me knowing u" Worse than boring. I sat in silence day dreaming all the way. The next part of the session was "Nature walk" We were all aske dto go to the field and take as much time as we wanted to think about ourselves. Then we were to take something from the field, be it a rock, a flower or whatever, and say why we chose it and how it relates to out lives. I wanted to take a touch-me-not but as the whole world knows, it has thorns. So I told J that I wanted something with thorns so is it ok if I just tell people what it was rather than take it and show. He asked me to take him to the pokok semalu and he plucked it out for me. And obviously his finger got pricked with thorns.
After that, we had tea break but I didn't eat. And then we had out next session about our five sense or something. So the made us touch something inside a black bag and guess what it was. After that, they took two male facilitators and had seven people touch them and say who it was. J was one of those unlucky facilitators. Hmm... lets see, he got slapped by Melvin (not very hard but lol) there was a girl who touched his hands and went lower, and lower and he so smart, put his hands over his crotch so well... the whole hall burst out laughing. There was another guy who purposely messed up his hair, his beautiful spiky hair which I found out took him only 30 seconds to do. And one guy from my group felt his rings and stuff so he guessed correctly. During all that touching, I ate a piece of banana layer cake. And then we went to have luch. We had rice, curry and some weird vege. YUCK!!
So we then went for yet another session on peer pressure and self esteem. We sat in circles with out group, J was sitting two places away from me. It was extremely boring, I doubt anyone in the hall was listening. Even J was bored. We were chatting and stuff. That was when I took his finger wanting to see his ring. Or should I say pretending to want to see his ring. =P So I asked if the ring was one whole ring or three seperate rings and he took one out for me. It was just a plain ring, black colour, somewhat like a rubberband anly not so cheapskate quality. So I played witht he ring, wore it took it out and wore it again and then finally gave it back to him. Then he started playing with his rings and he took out a gold(en) one. I asked to see it and then I wore it and then, smart little me dropped it. Really embarrassing. Thankfully, someone found it back at his feet. I didn't dare ask for his hundred and one accessories after that. For the next hour or more, we were still severely bored. He leaned over a chair which he had pulled to the center of the circle. He was kind of rocking the chair and the stuff on it. And the he just leaned over, lower and lower trying to reach something and then he reached it. You know what he pulled? My dirty, filthy shoelace. (Which, may I add, I'm never going to wash, now that he's touched it. =P)Yes, I know. It sounds silly to go around pulling peoples' shoelace but we were all bored. I can't blame him.
So anyway, we had games after that. They made us all stand in this square and we weren't allowed to go out of it. They stuck a piece of paper on our backs which had our group names on it. "Mark, Matthew, Luke and John" I think I was in John so anyway, We were supposed to find our groups and come out of the square in 10 seconds. Obviously, no one managed to get out of the sqaure and we were covered in flour and water. Stupid J was one of the people who threw flour and water everywhere. I don't know why is it that everyone I like this year just has to wet me. After that game wa another game where we were to find a bean in each pail. One pail had ice in it, the next one had hot water, the next one had oil (or something)and the lat one had flour. So you can guess what happened to out hands after that. The next and last game for the day was we first had to wear diapers and then a pair of slippers which made us walk like three legged race and then wear a scarf and lastly, eat a banana. With our hands filthy with fluor stuff. That was disgusting! But I didn't taste any flour. Thankfully. So after that, one of the girls, D, was about to walk up the stairs when someone accidentally pushed her and she fell and then a guy tripped over her, fell on her and then ran away. How gentlemanly. Reminds me of Mr. Hyde. Sos he curled up on the grass crying and no one cared, they just continued to walk past, over and around her. I, being the good little angel and all, knelt down beside her. I didn't even know what happened, I just saw her crying there. I only found out the story afterward. So another facilitator came and helped her but in the end, I had to bring her up. I didn't ind. Her cubicle thing was next to mine. She was quite grateful after that. The best present I can ever have is a 'thank you' straight from the heart. So I took a shower in a shower cubicle of 2'6"x2' How big.... At least it ahd four hooks and a small tray(1'x6") to put out shampoo and stuff. And it had a curtain so we didn't have to bathe and give a free show.
Dinner was again, rice, curry and vege as the rest of the meals were. We had bananas instead of watermelon. after dinner, we had our last session for the day. It was by Shaun so it wasn't that boring. I found out that he was 22 and not 40. We played some game, I don't know what it's called. But the session was about communcation. After that, everyone else had their night cap where as I, went to sleep. With my sis' pilow. Hehe. (I stole the pillow) I wanted to sleep before all the light went off. I had a horrible sleep, woke up three times because of the mosquitoes.

Second Day
My diary entry on this day of camp:

Had a worse than horrible sleep. Was a food bowl for mosquitoes. I could barely sleep, waking up at 11, 12 and 3. It's a little past 7 right now. I alreayd took a nice cold shower on this very cold morning. Unfortunately, the water sin't as cold as the water back home so it didn't have any wakng effect on me. I am not looking forward to breakfast as I don't look forward to any meals at camp. The mosquito netting which was hanging over my scared me. It looked kind of ghostly. I heard that today's sessions were going to make me cry, I don't cry. I'm feeling really sleepy... Had about 6 hourse of sleep. Accumalated. There is only one thing which I'm lookng forward to today, don't need to be a neurosurgeon to guess who that is. I fell asleep with the thought of the character in my story and I woke up with him stuck in my head.
We had Nasi lemak for breakfast that day. The egg was covered in sambal. Anyway, we then had a session about biy-girl relationship by a couple, Mervin and Lydia. Mervin was kind of cute. Lol. He showed us pictures of himself when he was4, 10 and 15 and I can't say the same thing about him. Yeah, well. His married, so I don't know why I even looked. Even if he wasn't married, he is way too old. So the session was quite fun. It was so fun laughter croke out every few minutes. Quite a change from yesterday where there were practically snores around. So, he was a very very good speaker. He was relly fun and everything. Someone called him uncle and he went "UNCLE??!!" Lol. I think he's about 30. So as we started getting restless he said we could go for a short break. Then we continued our session on Sexuality and he said that someof us needed to go to the toilet to check. Lol. He was really fun and funny, so fun that I don't know how to write in this blog. You really have to see him and listen to him to find out. after that was lunch and then more sessions which were Q and A. I found out that if my husband has an affair, I can divorce him but well, forst step is to go get a husband. Anyway, we later had indoor games. Some stupid bridge thing and a dress up thing. We then had out payback at the facilitators. They were forced to eat petai, century egg, onion and drink somthing really gross. It was a mixture of Malta, Ginger Ale, Tonic and something. And if the didn't do all that, they would get their face covered with whipped cream! Shaun did it in the longest time so right after he finished the drink, he ran for his life, fell and ran again. everyone was laughing. J had to eat it and boy, did he stink after that. He was bullied by my other faci. Haha. Then we had a game of football. I forced a few girls to play with me so that I wouldn't be the only girl. The winner team played against the facilitators and my team won! So I played agaisnt J's team. !!!!! So anyway, it was a fun game. As a girl, I had special status because none of the guys dared to hit or even go near a girl. Lol. Well, nothing much happened after that I think. Slept, smart enough to use the mosquito net that time.
How could I forget? We had the 'crying session' after that. Yes, I cried. I was pissed and so I cried. Then as I wrote a letter to my parents, J passed by with a box of tissues because that was what the facilitators were supposed to do. I called him over with my hand for the tissue. He walked over with a half amused smile on his face. As if me crying was really that funny. It was embarrassing. I never dreamt of crying in front of my crush before. And he smiled!! So unsympathetic. Anyway, after I was done witht he letter I went back inside and sat down. My expression was as if nothing ever happened and I was dead bored. He came by because my other friend was still crying and gave her tissue. Then he offered some to me and said "Take lar, it's free" And my reply was that many trees were killed to make that box of tissue paper. I took one and now it is folded in my book. Lol. Yes, I'm mad but hey, I'll never look at tissue the same waye ver again. So we gave him the nickname "tissue paper boy" Lol. That's about it.

The Last Day
We had one session in the morning, and theno ur parents came, celebrated mass and then had lunch of guess what? Rice, curry and vege and pampadam. Then went home bought McDs for my sis and the ate durians!!! Lol. That's about it.

2004-06-03T19:22:00.000+08:00

Just came back from 1u. Went there with HM and ppl. I'm off to camp tomorrow which means no internet for at least three days so I decided to write a post before I go. I don't have much time so I'll try to keep it short. I haven't packed anything for camp yet and I have piano class after this. I've already asked my mum to help me but she's got errands. I hope that I will have clothes to wear to camp. Lol. Maybe I should go naked again. It's fun ok? Especially with the hot season and everything. I don't want to risk melting. Anyway, I've got to eat without chewing if I want to go to piano on time. I'm hoping to go earlier so I can come back earlier and pack. I've been kind of looking forward to this camp so I hope I'll have fun. Church people can be fun att imes and other times real boring. But usually, among us students, we don't really talk about religion. We just talk normally, like about rubbish and all. I'm not very close to any of them so I odn't think I'll be able to get high for the next three days. =( That's going to be something I'll miss alot. Being high is in my blood, it's not going to be easy to feel self conscious when I laugh. Maybe I'll open up? Maybe I won't. Well, whatever. I have to go eat now. Tata. Wish me luck for camp.

2004-06-01T19:51:00.000+08:00

ANTSS!!!! ANTS! EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!! YUCK YUCK YUCK YUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!! THYE ARE CRAWLING ALL OVER ON THE KEYBOARD, ON THE MOUSE, N MY HAND, MY HAIR, MY LEGS, THE SCREEN, THE SPEAKERS!!!! AND AS IF THAT WASN'T BAD ENOUGH, I CAN SMELL DEAD ROTTING SALTED FISH!!! WHAT THE F*** IS MY FATHER EATING?????!!!!!! YUCK YUCK YUCK YUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SAVE ME FROM THIS HORRIBLE SMELL!!1 IT'S WORSE THAN AFI!!!! =PPPPPPPI was and am bored ok?"...

2004-06-01T19:05:00.000+08:00

A guy just came in and said he came for an interview... how interesting. Unfortunately, he wasn't cute and he was damn old(compared to me) so, I won't even grant him an interview... I mean. My future husband has to be perfect, physically and mentally and emotianally and everything-ally. So no interview for that guy. I hate curly hair anyway. Like Elvis only. YUK! Okok, I know, he didn't come to be interviewed as my future hubby....Afi just told me she is and Auntie!! I'm so happy for her! I just love babies. Auntie Afifah!! Hehe. My fingers are aching because I've been playing too much Maksim. I feel like sleeping eventhough I have been sleeping almost twentyfour seven lately. I've been really tired I guess. Or maybe the pig in me is coming out!! Yeah! About time... Shit, I am so lame! Anyway. Nitey nite..... As if I'll sleep so early. But I left my CDs in yun's house so I have no games to play. So sad lar. I think I'll make a trip to her house soon and take them before I evaporate into nothingness out of boredom.

2004-06-01T18:54:00.000+08:00

I just tried to delete all the posts that I have about Julyaugustseptemberoctobernovember and smile and w. because I wanted to tell people about my blog. I just realised how impossible it was. It was like trying to delete me. I just couldn't. I realised that if I didn't blog about them, I would have no life. Ijust couldn't delete it. Even if I deleted all my posts and started afresh, I would still continue blogging about them. They just play to big a role in my life to get rid of them. Anyway, I don't care. I blog what I blog and I crap what I crap. I guess I just can't go around screaming my blog URL. I would really love to. I gues ti's quite ok if I don't know the person I'm giving it to but not to my friends which I'm not so close to. I will DIE! Oh, I live doing that. Reminds me of W. SEEE!!!! That's what I mean! Everything around me is associated with that idiot that yun hates. And the other idiot whom I will be seeing on Friday... Hopefully. Anyway, I shall go jump off a bridge now.... Byebyez

2004-05-27T21:42:00.000+08:00

Ok, I am so bored. Today, was the last day of exam and no one is online????? Only Afi is online. Haih, one person only. I am stuck in the office still in my school uniform and I wan't to play ER3!!! I want to kill people! Lol. Yeah, so I'm insane, what's new? Lol. I went to crush.com again out of boredom and I put some crap inside. Didn't work. Lol. But try it lar, it's fun. Anyway, I'm just writing this out of severe boredom. Better than drawing SJ logo right? I already drew three or four in this exam. That's what happens if u put me, a protractor and a compass all together in a state of boredom. Lol. Anyway, ta for now.

2004-05-27T17:21:00.000+08:00

Please tell me this IS baby blue colour... Oh well, nevermind that, it's not important. Exams are over! I'm supposed to feel free but somehow I don't really feel that way, I don't know why. Anyway, I changed the template of my blog as I am sure you all can see. Do you like it? It took me about an hour to do because I wanted to keep the fireworks thing and I had to put the tag board and everyting. I still have my banner at the bottom but I didn't take the marquee on top because I have no idea where to put it. =( I liked that thing. Anyway, I can't seem to put Enetation on. I dunno where to paste it. I tried to paste it after the post and at the part where it said comment blah blah but all also cannot. I don't really like the blogger comment system because it's so troublesome. Have to click this and then that... enetation is much easier. Oh, I was suppsosed to link dS and I forgot. Haih, so forgetful. I guess it's because exams are over and my brains are in off mode. Hahah. So anyway, my links are all invisible unless you hover on it so to make it easier, I put an underline underneath the links. It's because some of the links are shorter and some are longer. The Crimson Room link for Wai Cheen is in my previous post. I hope she comes online soon enough before the post disappears. I also hope she tags me because there really is no other way for me to tell if she came to my blog yet or not. I'll make another link for her. ~crimson room~ Ok, bye for now. Got to go out for a while.

2004-05-26T18:46:00.000+08:00

I just sent a frenster msg to Gene scolding him because he was promoting ciggarettes. Lazy to type...
~crimson room~
~try this!!~ the last link damn chun!!! predicts ur crush and everything. I faked my relationship with James Lee and it came out correctly...

2004-05-23T16:07:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow got history exam, I haven't study yet and I am online. Naughty girl but well, when have I ever been good? Hehe... *Halo around head disappears* So anyway, I am dying of sien-ness. I think Jason(J) thought I was really weird today. He would usually talk to me, I am normally quite quiet in class so he talks to me only a little bit but he still does talk to me. Today, the only thing he said was "I thought next week no class?" and "Next week no class" That is all he said to me. When I went to class again today, I wasn't early but he was late so he wasn't there and I had nobody I WANTED to sit next to. I just sat next to this girl, I think her name is Jane or something. Because when I went there, there were only very few people, every person that came, I thought silently in my heart "Sit next to me and I'll kill you" Hehe. But of course, one by one, they all started sitting next to me. SO when J finally came, he sat in the biggest and only gap available. Beside some guys. And then, he got up to go "keng kai" and my other facilitator sat in his place because she thought no one was sitting there. Then J came and couldn't say anything because my oher facilitator, Aunty E, is much older than him. So he took another chair and put it next to me!!!!! I was on top of the world. I gave him my letter and stuff, and that's when he said "I thought there's no class next week?" then he went out of the class to check for me and blah blah. When he came back, he confirmed it. But Aunty E was so mean, made him do some work and he had to shift place with Jane so I had to endure the rest of the class sitting next to a girl who never talks and watch J talk to other girls. It was then that I realised how ugly his teeth are. They are crooked and worse. But I look beyond all that, I can see his gay-ness, his immaturity and his love for feminine colours. Lol. He wore only one ring today which is uite a good change. I noticed the only accessory he never changes is his cross. I love it because, though it's plain( rather like mine) it is hung on a short chain. So cool, VERY fiminine but very nice. He wore two black sting thing on his hand today. And a stupid babyblue friendship band on his leg. Maybe I should make him a baby blue friendship band. =P After all, I do have a lot of cross stitch thread left, if I could find it. I miss him already. Now, I am seriously confused between W and J. I know Jian Hao(JH) knows my blog now, and I just realised that I don't care. I mean, I think I can trust JH not to spread stupid rumours about me and to keep whatever he reads in this blog private. He doesn't even know who J is and I doubt he knows W so who cares? As for smile, I am so over him, I couldn't have cared less. There still is this habit thing about me, that everytime I see the word Cheah or Australia, I get a weird feeling and I have to tell myself that I am over him. I know it's not because I still like him, it's because I've liked him for so long, it just became a part of me. I got used to it and I can get unused to it. We're still friends but I will never have feeling more than that. When I like him before, the feeling was so real that I could imagine us getting married! Now, that thought comes with questions like will it be in a protestant church or a Catholic one? A preist or a pastor? Even thoughts like contraception or not? comes into mind... So now I know, he is not the one for me. Although I can't imagine J or W and I getting married, I'm 15, I'm not looking for a husband, I'm looking for experience to help me into the real world. If it comes to marraige, I'd rather have J, despite his childishness, I know life will be much easier if we don't have that religion thing. W? He's a free-thinker( and plays golf =P) and I can't imagine life with him if he is forever going to be a free thinker. It would be difficult. Well, that's about all I have to say before I go into suicidal thoughts of failing my exam. I am still looking forward to CC camp. Bye for now. and good luck for your exams

2004-05-19T16:32:00.000+08:00

Half the class didn't go to tuition today. So fun! But we still had to do work obviously. I think I have finally got the pemfaktoran thing. The crisscross one. Teacher put 9 questions on the board and asked us to do it. I looked at it blankly and then tried to do, after a while, I gave up and asked YT to teach me but she said she wasn't very sure herself so I asked Sam. I hadn't figured out the first question and he ahd already finished all nine! So memalukan. So anyway, he explained it to me and I think I finally got it. Hopefully I won't forget by exam time. Teacher said it was quite important because it was the basics of addmaths. If this is the basic, I am never going to learn addmath. Lol. I hope it won't be all that hard. But after learning it, it was quite fun to do. I felt like I could do a dozen more. Just so that I won't forget but teacher asked us to do model exam papers instead. She said "Must get full marks!" and I got two or three wrong. Ahhh!! Anyway, my math isn't al that good si I guess it is not that bad. I hope I do get full marks for the coming exam though, it has to pull up my other marks. I haven't even started studying Geography nor have I finished studying History. So sad lar... I am going to DIE! My mum will kill me, my teachers will kill me so I don't have to kill myself. So chun right? Lol. Anyway, I want to go try study now so I won't come online til I get bored of studying. Which will be like in two seconds? Lol. So cu.

2004-05-17T16:52:00.000+08:00

I didn't go school today because I was too lazy to wake up. Hehe. Yesterday, went to CC as usual and... he wasn't there when I went so I couldn't sit next to him. Sad? Not quite. He came and then sat next to me! He actually wanted to sit next to some other guy so he sat in between me and that guy. He wore some weird 'bracelet' with baby blue beads on it... and baby blue underwear. =P Lol, jkjk. That's what he said anyway. He said "yeah, somewhere elses also baby blue but can't tell you where" to another guy. and that guy replied "prove it" Haha, obviously he didn't. I found out that last year in camp, he shared the same bed with Shaun with the lame excuse that it was cold. Haha. Ok, I know he can't be gay because of the religion thing but it was really gay of him to do that. Cold then hide under the blanket lar. Okok, anyway...In tuition today, I was talking to YT about CF. (christian fellowship) and I asked her who else was in CF because I wanted to join for fun. So she told me one whole long list of people, Aaron Chai being one of them. And she said "Aaron used to be Catholic until we saved him and then..." WHAT!!!????? What does she mean 'save' him? Does she mean being Cathlic is a sin? Save???? We are Christians too. Is she saying we're bad? So bad that they had to save Aaron from being Catholic? SAVE!!??? I can't get over it, SAVE? What save? He wasn't in trouble or in anything bad, so what exactly did they save him from? God? I can't believe her... I can't believe them! Is this the way they ses us? As bad people? The way I see bomohs and witches? We aren't praying to the devil or doing anything bad so what did she save him from? And I can't believe that Aaron converted into protestant. Where's his faith? But that's besides the point, my whole point is what do they mean by save? How can she use save when there wasn't anything to save him from? I won't even say save if a person converts from Buddhism to Christianity let alone Catholic to Protestant which really are two different branches of Christianity. SAVE?? Save?... What save? There may be quite a few differences between Catholic and Protestant but mainly, it is all the same. We believe in one God, Jesus dies for our sins, the bible which is only different by a few books( Catholics have all the books and more). I can't believe they 'evangelise' and convert people from God to God. That doesn't even make sense. I can't understand them. I didn't tell her that I was Catholic and I'm glad I didn't because now I realise that this is actually how they the Protestants see us Catholics as. I fell like calling Jason and talking to him but unfortunately we're not that close. Now I know that Smile and I will never be together. I will forever be a Catholic, let God and all my readers be witness. And he sees me, as a Catholic, as some idiot who doens't believe in God and needs to be 'saved' Yeah, well go save yourself Smile. I wil, change the image that Protestants have on Catholics. I have never been this 'religionist' in my life. I'm going to bring this topic up in CCCamp. I have to. I can't belive the words she used. "save" save from what?! I feel like 'saving' her from her stupid belief of whatever DUMC has made her believe. I am not angry, I am just very very surprised and offended. the more I think about it, the more I can't get over it. I am nt going to be able to sleep tonight because I will be thinking of this crap until I get to clarufy it.

2004-05-15T17:23:00.000+08:00

Why is there never a Friday that goes by that allows me to live peacfully without hearing Smile's name? That stupid Sam never has anything better to talk about. Everyweek he will say the same name. So annoying. I feel like punching him, lucky he was quite nice to me yesterday so I refrained from doing so. If he didn't talk to me at all, he would have gone home with a black eye and my shoe print on his ass! Hehe. Ok, fine, I'm not that bad but still. Actually, I was quite surprised that he talked to me yesterday. Usually, he would just be sitting behind me and we practically act as if we don't know each other. I guess it's because I was sitting sideways yesterday because this stupid fat guy was sitting at the same table and I had nowhere to put my legs. I usually have no problems with leg space when the girl sits at the table, that guy must have had really long and/or fat legs. Haha. Somebody is tyring to sabotage me! Well, not exactly but... W. said someone told him that I was power hungry. WTF?! I hope that won't make him give me a lower post in SJ. I am not power hungry, it's just that I don't join anything else other than SJ so I need to get quite a good post. I'm not even aiming for presindent or anything like that. I know YT is going to get it and I think she deserves it too. I think that for all the dedication I have for SJ I deserve a good post. I want to know who said that crap about me. He obviously doesn't want to tell me. He asked me if it was true which was really dumb of him. If it was true, I wouldn't have told him, duh. And if it isn't true he would have gotten the same answer as if it wasn't true. Well, it isn't true and I know I will get what I deserve, even if all I deserve is no post.
I had so much to write yesterday but no time. Today, I have so much time but I can't remember what I want to write anymore. Sigh, short term memory loss. Well, I want to go do some crap right now or maybe go to toilet o something. Whatever lar, see what my modd wants to do. Bye.

2004-05-12T19:42:00.000+08:00

Somebody kill me... I just did something that I have always believed never to do. Never hint to a guy you like that you like somebody else. I just told W. that my heart is thousands of miles away and the guy who stole it doesn't know it's with him. What if W> like me but now thanks to me, thinks I don't like him? I know he probably doesn't like me but still... there is a small cahnce isn't there? SHIT! I should never have done that. I am so damn stupid... How could I have done that? It is about the most stupid thing I have ever done in my life. I opened up to him so much when I was chatting with him today. He felt it too and he asked "why do all the people I'm not close to tell me all their secrets?" That means, he doesn't feel he's close to me. Sigh... I told him so mnay things today which I would die if he told anyone else. Die of embarrassment mostly. I really regret telling him that but there's nothing I can do. I amso dead. I feel like killing myself. I am the stupidest b**** on the face of this living earth! I suddenly hate myself all over again. Somebody, kill me... and make it painful.

2004-05-12T17:24:00.000+08:00

YAY!! I finally finished the game! With more than A lot of help from dS. Hehe, quite fun also lar. I want to play the other rooms but must go study or else will me died by my mother. Hehe, I make English a language you have never heard of before. Lol. So actually, the reason for my previous post is so that Yun can know where the Crimson room is. So she can play. Lol, she so smart, probably can do it without my help lar. Yi Theng today said she kena-ed marah-ed by her parents because her first term position dropped. From second dropped to third in Angerrik! She is damn siao man... That girl is one damn crazy but fun person. She scared me today because she said she want to commit suicide, she didn't sound serious lar but I read that if a person says s/he wants to commit suicide, you should take it seriously. So I don't know lar. That's for her parents to take care. SO anyway, I shall stop blabbering and go to my other blog which I have been abandoning. Au revoir et a demain.

2004-05-12T17:04:00.000+08:00

I am playing Crimson room and Dsaint is helping me. He is doing what Yun did. Telling me every single step and even that is not helping. I think some may find it not as nice to play because it is not scary. The pictures are also less realistic compared to those in Viridian room. SO anyway, that's about all I wanted to blog about. W said he trust me today but I think he only said that so that I will go to Area camp which I don't want to go regardless of what W. or Smile says. I want to stay at home with my family and my bed. Hehe. And the internet of course. So anyway, apart from W. calling me 'reject' and then apologising for it because he wanted to save trees, nothing much has happened. So Au revoir et a demain.

2004-05-11T21:49:00.000+08:00

I have finally finished the Viridian room crap. After Yun told me what to do. Step by step and I'm sure she feels like killing me right now because I am such a slow learner. Lol. I should not be online because exams sre next week and I haven't started studying at all. Yes, I haven't started studying and here I am being so calm with it. Sigh... I am mad I am sad I am stressed and I am depressed. Well, I have to go home now to hopefully catch up on some studying. HOPEFULLY! Hehe, everybody I know have been asking me to study so I shall try to listen to them . Bonne nuit.

2004-05-08T14:48:00.000+08:00

I have given up on the stupid game. If you want to try it, go to here and try itout. If you figure anything out, let me know. I can't even find some of the Chinese characters that's why I don't know what they mean. I think I had one or two more items to find in the game. I searched high and low and high and low(literally) but I still couldn't find it. Maybe I'm blind maybe I'm stupid but whatever it is, i don't care. I have given up on that game. I shall go and learn Chinese instead. I learnt how to write "mo" and "duo" in Chinese as well because it was in the note I found in the game.

I am in the office right now. (duh) and a student's mother is sitting opposite me. Quite far away and thankfully her face is blocked by my computer screen. So anyway, she is about the most sour looking person I have seen all day. She's waiting for her son and I think she is severely bored so she looks sour. If I had a camera with me, I'd take her stupid picture and post it up here. Hehe, be careful when you cross my path. Lol. Just kidding. Seriously, she's so sour. I feel like slapping her when I see her.

I have no idea why on earth I am blogging about other people. As if I care if she looks like sour puss. I still remember last time when I was in about Std thre or four or something like that, I used to paly this game called Dr. Sulfur's night lab. Really cool game. I think it is what gave me such interest in Science. It is really a nerd's game. All the games my mum bought me are nerdy but fun! I love them. So, DSNL is about making experiments. Then there will be different chemicals and you can choose one and mix it with another in a beaker or whatever and see what happens. You're supposed to follow the instructions on what chemicals to put in where and when but I was a curious girl so I just put everything I wanted to into the same container and watch what happens. Usually nothing happens so I burn it all over the Bunsen Burner and everything melts but I still have no idea what it is. I followed the instructions before and made all sorts of funny coloured ink, some alloy thing, stainless steel which turned into a sink once I put it in the mold and a volcano. The typical one of baking soda and vinegar. I love that game. I wonder what happened to the CD. It is the most fun game and I don't think I have rgown out of it yet. Lol. There were also other things which one could do in that game like save some fella who was trapped somewhere by burstiong the balloons with the right answer. I always lost that one because some of the questions were so difficult that I understood neither the question nor the answer. Maybe by now I'll know but I'm really not sure. There was also another section with mising the matters together or something like that. The only thing I remembered about that one is that there was something that looked strangely alot like shit. I remember the fish one where I was supposed to feed the fish a mixture of this and that so that the fish wont die. And also contro the level of oxigen in the tank. All my fishes ended up dying, I am so glad my dad takes care of the fishes I have at home.

I love Nemo! My dad finally bought a clown fish and i named him Nemo, my dad only bought one and not a pair because he wasn't sure if Tigger (my trigger clown fish) would eat it. Lol. My dad also bought a baby blue tank which I obviously named Dory. It's only a baby because the bigger ones are quite expensive. Some can go up to more than RM100 apparently that's why my dad always buy them when they are small. When you buy them as a 'baby', there is more sentimental value because you watch it 'grow up'. Like when my other puffer fish died, my dad was so sad. My whole family was sad. However, I still prefer dogs or hamsters. It is easier to 'experiment' on them than it is with fishes. When I say experiment, I mean like give them human food and stuff. With dogs and hamsters, you can pet them and carry them and with dogs you can even hug them and kiss them. But you can't do that with fishes unless you find the thought of dipping your head in the aquarium and getting your nose bitten off appealing. So anyway, my dream is to get a dog. Someday, I will. I love dogs... Well, I want to go home soon so bye bye probably for the last time today.

2004-05-08T14:33:00.000+08:00

I am still stuck in that stupid game. I'm starting to wonder if I need to know Chinese to figure outt he game. There is some stupid note and it's in Chinese. Only problem is, I don't understand Chinese. So I went to Learn Chinese and now, my chinese is a little better. I also know how to write his surname if it is written like that. I know it is Cheah lar but I dunno if it's his Cheah. I am going to go mad just playing the game. I don't even know what I'm doing. Doc said after playin a while, I'll get the hang of it. Yeah're right... I'm just as lost as I was when I started. Yerrr..... So frustrated. I now also know how to write 'cute' and 'clinic' in Chinese in my desperate attemt to find out what the note means. I don't even know in which order the note should be in. Should it be left to right like in English or should it be read in the traditional Chinese way from top to bottom? I don't even know why I want to find the meaning of the note. Sigh... What to do, I started and now I got addicted... I will never play the games doc plays anymore, it is to difficult for my nonexistent brain. I guess be doctor(to be)'s wife can already lar, no need to become doctor. So difficult. I think I have been at that game for 2 and a half hours already. Stupid game.... Hehe.

2004-05-08T12:54:00.000+08:00

I just finished a conversation with Smile and man do I love him. Although to be honest, I was very excied at the beginning but after a while of talking to him, I calmed down. Maybe it's because I am playing this stupi stupid stupid game. Some Viridian thing I got from Dr. Liew Must be an old man's game. Hehe... It may be a stupid game but I'm playing it... I want to quit because it is so hard but every part of me is telling me not to give up so easily. I don't even know the objective of the game. I think it's to escape from the room but Dr Liew said something about using the things to escape. Escape? The only thing I managed to do with the things I have is light inscense. I can't even spell that word. sheesh... I think I must collect everything to escape and also ust find the equally stupid key which is supposedly in the hideous skeleton. Or maybe the skeleton is the key? I don't know. Like I said it's a stupid game that smart people like me won't play. (oh, quit barfing already) Hehe. This is the first time in my life that after playing a game for so long, I still have no idea what the heck I'm doing. The room is so small that I have already gone around it a million times. Oh well, I just wanted to blog to get my mind of the game for a while. Didn't want to get too stressed out about it. so I am giong back to the game. Nite you guys.

2004-05-08T11:11:00.000+08:00

I am wearing my SJ Tshirt in a piblic place! Somebody sue me! Ok, fine, so I'm high again... What's new? Hehe. I know I shouldn't be wearing it but I was too lazy and too late to bring a spare t shirt. If W. was here, I would be dead or perhaps deaf from his granfather-like lecturing. Yun came to her first SJ meeting today, she looked so bored. I couldn't spend time with her because I am supposedly the next bod or something. I don't even know, I just think. I don't want W and YK to step down. I'll miss them, once they step down, I will barely get to see them because they will be too busy studying. NERD! Be like me, don't study and fail everything. Haha... I will definitely miss W. I hope we will continue to SMS each other and stuff but what if we don't? I don't want to lose touch with him. If we barely talk to each other when were still in the same school, we probably won't talk to each other at all when he leaves. I dont' want that to happen. I seem to be losing touch with all my friends if I don't see them everyday. W. will probably go overseas to study after SPM so I can't phone him or SMS him too often. That leaves us with only one way of communicating, internet. SUX! In the internet, we can't really say what we think of feel because it is all in words. Sometimes, when I'm being sarcastic, he won't even know. I can be sad but write as if I'm happy and he won't know either. Like when I talk to Smile, I am so nervous but he deosn't know that. That's good of course but my point is, he won't really know how I feel . W. is really nice. Today he kept on talking to us because he felt that we weren't organising the meeting properly. He isn't as 'kan cheong' as YK is but he doesn't really trust us to this either. I can't blame him though, we really aren't good at it. I will miss them both like mad when they leave. Tomorrow, there is some stupid area meeting that I want to go but I've got church. I want to go to church, I need to go to church but YK and W says it will be a good experience for us to learn and be more involved but I'm still not sure. I really really really want to go for both. I know it's important to go to church because God comes first but SJ is also important. Especially since we are so blur and green to SJ. YT has agreed to go if I go that means if I don't go, she won't go. I want to go, she wants to go but we both have church. Sigh... Decisions decisions... I'll ask my mum. Everytime I don't want to think, I ask my mum. Hehe, what are mothers for right? Tomorrow is Mothers' Day and I haven't gotten anything for her. If I go for the meeting tomorrow means I can't spend much time with her and I might not be able to be home in time for lunch. But I think it will be a good experience for me and I also know that I will be able to use whatever I learn there. I will also get to meet sirs and other people from SJ so I get to expand my rather measly and pathetic network of SJ people. I am so damn confused. Both SJ and church are so important to me. I love Sj and it is almost more important than my studies itself. Church of course is more important than studies but my church also realises the importance of school so they rarely ever clash. I know that before PMR, we are going to have a long study break from CC. Hehe, at least I get to concentrate. That is of course if SJ isn't taking too much of my time. I know Yk and W try very hard to make time for studies but it's not just the normal school meeting that we have, it's also like tomorrow's area meeting, the stupid stupid kawad and stuff like that. Flag day is coming, and then there's area inspection and area camp which I am not going to go. Atleast the state camp is in December, the only time of the year when studies are really last on the list. I am going to go mad just trying to decide what I should go to tomorrow an dI can't go for both because the times are the same. Sigh... Even that kaya pau wasn't enough to put me on a high, high enough to make me forget. Sometimes, I can understand why people take drugs. Oh well, just chop off my head and all my troubles will be over. Lol Jkjk Bye for now.

2004-05-07T19:49:00.000+08:00

I am going to try one last time,

I am somewhere at the back. W. is the one with the red collar, it's the same shirt he wore everyday. Jane is quite easy to spot. If I'm not mistake, behing Jane is Yien Hsiu and then Yi Theng. The photo quality is horrible so i really can't tell. Sorry guys, but the camp itself was really fun and i've got everything locked up in my tiny little brain so the photos are to remind me, not remember for me. Nite..

2004-05-07T19:21:00.000+08:00

I am bored!! I am sleepy!! I am dead!!

It's a Friday!! I love Fridays!! It means I can stay up until the middle of the night and the next morning go late for Sj and then kena pump again. Fridays RULE!! Man, I am so high! So anyway, as usual, I just came back from tuition. That stupid Sam who wants to be Smile was talking about Smile. Not that much actually, just mentioned his name twice and I couldn't stop smiling afterwards. To get my mind off Smile, I looked out the window to watch the papayas ripe. I looked and looked but somehow, after fifteen minutes of staring, the papayas didn't seem to turn any orange-er. And after writing that sentence, I realised that I can barely spell papaya without hitting the backspace button. I always miss out the second 'a' BUT you don't have to know that. Lol. W. says he's glad he's not shorter than me because of what i wrote in friendster. (That shorter guys are nicer to kiss) Like I ever want to kiss that ugly toad. Muahahahahahaha..... Man I'm so high. I have never said anything as nasty as that about him before. I can't believe that I just did. I must be pms-ed or something man... So anyway, I didn't get to wet Yun in school today because I finished drinking my water. I only brought one bottle today so I was really thirsty especially after kawad. She didn't even get wet at all! So lucky. She sprinted away like a goodness-knows-what who was kicked in the ass and ran away. Hehe. Ok, so I'm not very good at metaphors or whatever you call it. I'm not very good at literature either so I have no idea if it's called a metaphor. Sigh, I got nothing to crap about already. My mind is asleep and very distracted. I want to go write my story or something. Unfortunately, I do not bring my disc to the office. actually, I think it's a good idea not to bring it, I do not want my dad reading all that crap. W. says he might not be going for tomorrow's SJ meeting and neither will any of the seniors. Sigh, it is going to be damn difficult.

2004-05-06T16:19:00.000+08:00

I just finished chatting with W and all the way, he never let me forget that I am "a little kid". That is what annoys me most. *sigh* So anyway, I was supposed to come to the office today to study but I conveniently forgot my books so I can't study. I guess I should be searching for things related to smoking for our oral and lisan. I am going to o mad, I hate using search engines. I used to use it all the time to search for sailormoon stuff but now it seems to have gotten less user friendly. Maybe it has something to do with my brain capacity shrinking, I don't know. But I just don't like to use it. I seldom get what I'm searching for. Maybe it's because the internet has grown so much since my sailormoon days so there are always more results. Maybe it's because I've gotten pickier and more precise about what I want when I hit search. I don't know. I want to find more information about the Quit and Win competition so I want to go to The Star Website and see if there's anything for me there. Have to find cause, effects and solution. Well, that's translated to English from BM so it may seeem really weird. Maybe I should just call my mum and ask her. I feel like sleeping, I feel like eating and I feel like dying. All of which I cannot do. So sad. Damn sien lar, today.
Yun, I tried the find source thing you asked me to do and it didn't work. Nothing came out. So I still dunno how to do. Oh by the way, it's in Gerrard Lim's blog Quite a nice blog. Damn funny.
Ok, this is probably the last post I have for the day because my mood isn't exactly at it's best. Maybe I'll make another cheong hei post tomorrow. Haha. I love being cheong hei.
Goodu Bai

2004-05-05T17:11:00.000+08:00

W. has been messaging me on Sat, Sun and Mon nights. I am so happy that he has although I am rather worried about my phone bill when it comes. I will be so dead but a part of me just doesn't care. I think/ know that he just treats me as a friend because there was one message where he said "what's with u? It's not like I'm ur bf also" *sob sob* I know he's not my bf so I don't know why the heck I'm so sad. I guess that there's a part of me inside that was/is hoping that we will some day, couple. He's nice. I'll tell you all the things I like about him. He's mature, well kind of. He's responsible and capable. Like in the SJ camp he was well... responsible. He's really straight forward too and that's good. Unlike a certain someone, so cheong hei. He's kind and caring. Like int he SJ camp, he insisted in helping us cook eventhough his hand was hurt. He's calm, I say that because he didn't cry when he got cut. Lol. But during the Batu Caves duty, he was no where near calm. He was paranoid and over reacting. Kind of like YK. But I guess that's only because he knew he was responsible for our safety and if anything happened to us, he would be the first person my parents will look for. He can be really fun to be with. Especially when we're not talking about SJ. Like when we SMSed each other the past few nights. He's really sporting, he was the one who suggested to throw YK during camp. He's cute, not in looks but in character. I still can remember the first time we met. Doubt he remembered it though. I was in form 1 and it was at the first SJ camp I ever attended. YS probably remembers it. So, we were in the same squad, I think. And this is quite a well-known story. We had that stupid egg race where all the members of the squad must roll one the egg into a basket on the other side of the... wait.... I thing I've told this story before. I am way awy way too lazy to check so I shall not carry on. Yeah, I told it before. This is something nobody knows, until now. I had a small crush on him then. I found him very knowledgeable... knowlegeble... knowlegeable... well... whatever, However it is spelled, I'm sure you get what I mean. He was the only guy in our squad who could cook, may I add the only person who could cook too. I don't think his cooking is really that good but it certainly is better than mine. I found him kind of cute too and I love his sportingness. He is really cool. Yes, that's the word I want for him. He's almost perfect. Almost only though. In form 1, I seemed to be having crushes on every guy I met so I decided it was nothing and in form 2, I thought and still do think, that he is really irritable. He gets irritated at every slightest thing. There was once, last year that I even thouht to myself. "omgoodness, I can't believe I actually liked him. He is so sux" Lol. Well, I think differently now. Maybe he has matured, maybe I have matured but most likely, we both have. Although I am really not sure if I'm ready for a relationship with anyone at the moment, I really want to be with him. He's nice. Yun thinks he's ugly. *sob sob... waaaahhh* He's not exactly the hottest guy in town when it comes to looks but it's the inside that matters. Forget about W. I have a few photos of camp. I'm not in any of them, I might be in one but the lighting is really bad so you can't see my face but anyway, I'll put them up. At least Yun will know what were talking about if we talk about camp during SJ. Here goes..

Crap... I can't seem to get the photos in, Something happened to my blog. Nevermind. Sorry people. I'll try to resize it another day and post it.

2004-04-29T17:31:00.000+08:00

I had the worst dream of my life last night. Well, that would be exaggerating but it wasn't exactly what I would call 'sweet' dreams. I dreamt of the ever so cheong hei Dato' Dr. Low. My SJ commander-in-cheif. It's probably because I was surfing the SJ website where I saw a tiny little pic of him. So, back to my dream. I dreamt that I was in the Cetrepoint McD, in the drive-thru but instead of cars, everyone was lined up on their feet. So he and his wife was a few people in front of me and then they started fighting. His wife's hair looks like a broom by the way. Lol. So after that, it was our turn and my mum ordered Banana Split from McDs! So cool, I wonder why they can't have that in reality? Banana split rocks! I think the whole banana thing is because I was thinking of buying a birthday present for YK and we were thinking of buying him bananas! So cool! If my friends give me that for my birthday, I really have to remind myself that it's the thought that counts. Lol. But I wonder what on earth they were thinking when they buy me bananas? Lol. So anyway, we are currently thinking of getting him bananas and a tshirt signed by us and a teddy bear! Yup, a teddy bear for a guy. I know it's kind of weird but we can't think of anything else. He wants an MP3 player and that is way beyond our budget so I guess he has to settle for bananas. Haha, not very much the asme is it? Well, it's his own luck to have juniors like us. And it's probably also beause he left it to a bunch of girls to get him birthday present. I never know what to get guys for presents. That why I never give them presents. Maybe I should ask some guy friends.

2004-04-28T18:49:00.000+08:00

If my heart was beating any faster, it would stop. Smile is online again and he is not replying me but my heart is beating fast anyway. My fingers are typing real slow and my mouth is dry. I can't breathe either. Hmm... If all these happened just because he's online, I wonder hat would happen if he kissed me. Hmm..... *thinking thinking* Ack! Cough cough! Heeeeeelllllpppppppppppp.......... somebody, preferably an ugly guy or a female, give me CPR now!!! I can't breathe, my heart has stopped!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHhh!!!!!!!! Lol. Just kidding, just kidding. If he ever kisses me, I would be dead! He probably was giving me CPR. Lol. And my spirit would probably be flying above him wishing that I could be alive again so that I can feel his kiss. Lol. Damn, now I feel like kissing him. How leh? I know, send him virtual kiss so that he can be afraid of me! Muahahaha.... Be afraid, be very afraid! Shit, I think my drink was spiked... again. Don't worry, I'll never be stupid enough to send him a virtual kiss. He's already afraid of me enough. I wouldn't even send yun a virtual kiss. Hehe, just because I fall for gay guys doesn't mean I'm gay too. That's why I'm falling for gay GUYS and not gay Girls. You know something? I have no idea what I'm rambling about.
WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! He's busy doing some stupid online quiz! Why can't he be studying in primary school or something then he'll have time to chat. =(
Oh my goodness... I take that back. I take everything I just said about not wanting him to study back. I take it AALLLLLLLL back! Forget I ever said something so horrible about him. I should never even have said it. I am so sorry to say it. I don't really want it to come true. I am so sorry.
He just said that he's really busy and is starting to wonder if he was even suited for that course. He cannot quit. I will not let him. I asked him to remember everything he told us and he said that I am so right! He said something about walking the talk and then wished me goodnight. I really hope he can do it. I'll pray, again. As I do everynight. Don't let him know that I'm blogging about his conversation with me k? Thanks. Btw, he just called me cikgu, right after he said "you're so right man " Yer, how to pass uni if he doesn't even know the difference between male and female? Lol. Nitey nite. I want to go eat dinner now. Bon apetit and bonne nuit.

2004-04-28T16:15:00.000+08:00

My fingers are stained with acriflavine again. Today in KH, this guy who isn't cute nor do I know him cut his hand on goodness knows what. (we were doing electronic) The cut was so thin, even a tolok skru micrometer wouldn't have been able to measure it. It was about 1 cm long only. So that guy, let's call him... X. So, X went to teacher dunno for what and teacher asked him to do it himself because she probably couldn't see the cut. (with her being so old and all. =P) He went to the back of the classroom and opened the first aid kit and looked blankly at it. He seriously just stared inside. If he was bleeding to death then I can understand that he panicked but it was so small. So I kinda pitied him so I went behind to help him. Cheng Yee laughed and said "you nurse ar?" I really felt like one. All I was missing was my SJ nursing cadet headress. So I took out the acriflavine and spiiled it! And that is the story of how my fingers turned yellow. I don't know why I'm so luncun and always spill stuff. This week, I spilled acriflavine twice meaning that I stained my fingers twice. My fingers are going to be perpetually yellow. Look like kunyit only kunyit smells nicer. Garlic smells even nicer than kunyit. Lol. I love the smell of garlic. I'm glad that I'm not a vampire or it could've been me in my sis's dream. Lol. Well, I don't have anything to write anymore so bibi for now anyway.

2004-04-27T19:02:00.000+08:00

Harow! Came back from camp on Sunday so this might be a lengthy post. Let's start from the very beginning of camp. On Friday, went to school at about 720 p.m. and helped a little in arranging the people and stuff. I kawad in low-heel shoes and Yew Keong (YK) had to say, infront of the whole line that there are no 'tiny little high heeled slippers' allowed. And Waihang gave me that look. That 'u-know-it's-u-and-so-do-I' look or kinda 'hehe-naughty-naughty' look. It was a really cute look. Loved the way he did that to me. He did it with a smile so it wasn't meant to be stern. So anyway, my squad was quite ok. Siew Li, Nathalie, Bryan and Kuai Yan were in my squad. That night we played treasure hunt and my group adviser, Ti Keat, kept on disappearing but I brought my phone eventhough I wasn't supposed to so whenever I needed help, I called. My phonebill is going to be sky high this month. So anyway, Waihang came and helped us quite a lot of times. =) He was really nice and sweet. That night, I couldn't sleep at all. I slept right under the fan in the classroom on top of the table and I was so cold at 3-something that I curled up into a little ball to get my windbreaker on top of every part of me. There were mosquitoes all over the place flying past me, on me, to me, and everything. Really, really, really annoying. I didn't bring insect repellent becasue I was 'travelling' light. (Didin't bring toothpaste, shampoo, soap, bathing towel or anything of thats ort either) So I slept for about 15-30 minutes before waking up for night duty at 3.50 a.m. I went downstairs and saw W. He was so nice, he said that we didn't really have to keep watch if we didn't want to and that we could sleep but I said it was OK. Which was true for two reasons. 1- I couldn't sleep anyway. 2- I thought he would go to sleep if I was on watch and at least he would get some rest. He continued to keep watch with us and I found out that he hadn't slept the whole night. I asked him to get some rest but he didn't want to so fine. Hani and I were on a picnic when we were on night watch, Hani brought lots of snacks so I asked for Chipsmore and she ate nachos. (I get gastric pain if I stay up during the night without eating) By about 5 a.m. most of the guys were already awake but I went to the girls' dorm and asked them to go back to sleep as they had a long day ahead of them. I was lucky that the girls were obedient so they did try to go back to sleep. Doubt that they really did get any sleep though. Between 4-6 a.m. Mei Anne and YK were downstairs playing Matrix. Very amusing for us. MA was very flexible and she bent backwards like in the Matrix. Really cool although we could all see it was the side effects of sleep-deprivation. Poh Guan tried to take pictures but it was too dark. So by 6 a.m. everyone was awake, the girls and guys. Some of the guys even took baths while the girls couldn't have cared less. That was one of the things that surprised me most. We were scheduled to kawad at 6.30 but we started earlier than that. YK decided that aerobics would have been more fun than kawad and he was extremely right. Aerobics was fun! We danced and jumped and laughed. But Huei Huei had to take away our fun and made us kawad because she said our kawad-ing was too horrible. So while the recruits kawad, the SLs were tought how to command and were given a fairly long lecture on us being the future leaders so we must learn it well or else it would be very embarrassing for us in the future so we must learn it early. Guess which grandfather gave us that lecture? W. Yep, he's our commander-in-cheif in the making. (Trust me, Dato' Dr. Low is one of the most cheong hei people in the world) After kawad, we had CPR training by the DJ sir. He was boring and everyone was sleepy. I found the discipline during this course extremely bad and if I was in charge, they would've gotten a long long long lecture. Lecturing is one of the things I try my very best not to do.(Don't want to be the future LBT) So after that, we had photo session and I had to wear my official uniform. After that some more, we had to cook our own lunch. We were to cook using fire wood! It was my first time ever doing that and I was really looking forward to enjoying myself but I didn't enjoy myself. Not because I was under the hot sun in my full uniform standing by and inhaling al that cancer causing smoke but because W had hurt himself and was taken to the clinic. When I was taking my uncooked food from the committee room, W came in and went "I need help, help. Oi! Help me lar!" I turned around and saw his whole finger covered in blood. I do not know what happened to him, I just followed the rest of the SJs out to the drain to wash his wound and I saw his cut. Kena parang. It was quite deep, could see the flesh and lots of blood. We washed it with Acriflavine so now my fingers are stained yellow. The cut was so bad, he had to tie a triangular bandage round his wrist. (Indirect pressure) He also tied a triangular bandage round his fingers to stop the bleeding or probably to absorb the blood. He was then taken to the clinic by teacher. I was so worried after that, I barely talked, I was so 'fan' My feelings were so stirred that I had no mood to do anything because I was worrying about him. I think my squad members could feel it because Kuai Yan offered to take more water for the rice eventhough I already said I would do it and Siew Li was quiet. Really quiet, she didn't talk to me at all and that was really unusual. I was a little curt to her when she asked me if I wanted somthing (forgot what) and I went "no thank you" Really fast and sharp. She was a little taken aback and I am feeling a little guilty. But not that long later, W came back and I was feeling a little better. Not perfectly better though because I was still worried. He kept on insisting on being the macho guy and helped a lot in our cooking. When I asked him if he was alright he said "I'm fine, don't worry about me" That was rather rude of him as all I was doing was showing a little concern but I guess he was busy and in pain so he must've been irritable. I asked him that twice in seperate occasions and I got the same curt answer. It hurt me a little because not that long before, we were happily chatting and laughing. I was letting my imaginations run free and you can very well guess what I was imagining. So after cooking, we had lots of spare time because we cooked really fast. We of course had to clean up and that was quite a lot of work but I barely did anything other than wash one side of my messtin. Nathalie washed the other side. I guess my squad was still a little afraid of me and my behaviour so they cleaned up a lot. I'm really glad they did. I was still so worried about W and still am to be honest. After that, the pipe got clogged and all the SLs got s****ed (that is the last time I'm using that) by YK. He was really really really angry at us. Again, W tried to be mr. Macho and offered to help YK in unclogging the pipe but YK said "You don't be stupid lar you, your finger pain you toe pain, how to do?" So thankfully, W didn't do anything too strenous to help. We had first aid simulation after that and W was testing us on transportation. He carried this guy with only one hand. That idiot is going to fall sick. He's not taking care of himself properly. So anyway, he said he was dissapointed that we didn't know our transportation and got another lecture. Thankfully, it was a short one. For dinner, we had rice, cabbage, sausages and chicken. It was quite nice. All the squads sat in one big circle and ate together. W walked one round around the circle and then said "Oi! No place for committees wan ar?" So I moved to aside to let him sit but he sat next to a bunch of 'little bots' instead. We had Malam Kebudayaan not that long after, my squad teamed t up with hani's and danced TESTIFY TO LOVE!!!! *sob sob*. That night, we had night walk joined with the MRCS. It is sort of a dance where you have to have a partner and you change partners throughout the dance. When W walked by, I purposely went "I got no partner!" and he looked at me and replied "You! I dun wan to partner you." It was sort of a joking manner but I'm scared that it might have been how he really felt. So anyway, after one round, I had a partner and someone else didn't. So we danced and danced a few more rounds and guess who I ended up with? W. I went "Haha, either way still have to partner me lar" and he gave sort of a joking sigh, so we danced eventhough he had an injured finger and an injured toe. He held my hand! I was so high when he did. I was smiling to myself so it's a good thing it was dark and my back was facing him. If I was looking at him, I probably would have kissed him! Haha, just kidding. So after that, we played some really lame game with candles. Later, we went to sleep and I had a wonderful one. YK and W even cancelled committee meeting that night because I was sleeping in the middle of the badminton court. (The place in between block E and F I think.) Next morning, I woke up at 550 a.m. and found out that we were allowed to sleep till later but I didn't go back to sleep. We had kawad 'competition' and I lost horribly. After breakfast, I left to go to church to see Jason. There, he scolded me for being late. And I told him that I just came from camp and came actually finishes at one and I had to ask to leave early just to come here so he apologised and gave me the thumbs up sign saying that I was a good girl to go CC. After church, I went back to camp supposedly to help them clean up but I really just wanted to go for lunch with them. I had to call Jeremy Cheah to ask him whether he wanted us to give back the stoves and stuff so I talked to him! ( I do not like him, I just think he was cute before he cut his hair) He has a really nice voice, really low and deep. Nicer than Ken's. Haha. We went to Pizza Hut at around 230 p.m. and ordered too much so we had to "ta pau" I think Wai Yip (Cane) took home the extras because he was the older one and was supposed to have more money although I doubt that was true. Well, so that concludes my camp! My first camp that I was actually on the committee. I was just on the phone with Yi Theng and she told me that she told W that my best squad member was Siew Li and his reaction was: He banged the table and said "oh My God!" in front of his whole class and Mr. Ho (teacher) and the whole class turned to look at him. Haha... It's a pity I missed that. I really wanted to see his reaction to it. Oh well, hopefully, there will be other times.
I will be going home soon so Bye! What I really can't understand about this post is that I put in four guys inside whom I think I like. If you exclude Jeremy then it's just 3. Smile, W and Jason. This is stupid, I cannot do this. I am being somewhat 'disloyal' to them eventhough I'm not coupled with them. It's a feeling that is there. I'll be seeing W this Friday so hopefully I would've gotten things sorted out by then. Pray girl, pray... With love and best regards, Acriflavine. By the way, if you don't get the weird abbreiviations that I have in this post, ask.

2004-04-20T19:31:00.000+08:00

Top ten things I hate about family gatherings

10. The sleepy feeling you get after the huge lunch but sleeping is a big NO NO.

9. Looking at some 'antique' pot which is really a rusty peice of metal.

8. Having no place to sit till your feet hurt.

7. Listening to the same stories over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.

6. Realising that your uncle is really rich but has no taste like a horribly mismatched shirt, a Ferrari painted purple or a Mercedes with those stupid silver rims around the lights.

5. Repeating your name, age, school three dozen times eventhough there are only a dozen guests.

4. Everyone is talking is some Chinese dialect or another and you don't understand a single word.

3. You call some guy 'uncle' and he ends up being you cousin or worse still, you nephew who's only 5 years older than you.

2. There are NO cute guys whatsoever.

1. Even if there were, you can't have them.

Well, that's my family gathering. Just proves how 'close' we are.

2004-04-20T19:17:00.000+08:00

Ten things I hate about family gatherings

10. The big BIG clock says it's sleeping time but sleeping is a big NO NO.

9. Having no place to sit and end up standing till you feet hurt.

8. Seeing an 'antique' pot which really is nothing more than a rusty peice of metal .

7. Listening to the same stories every year. Again, again, again, again, again, again and again...

6. Repeating your name, age, school more than three dozen times eventhough ther are only a dozen guests .

5. Everybody is talking in some Chinese dialect or another and you can barely understand a single word .

4. You realise your uncle is really rich but has no taste in colours like a horribly mismatched shirt, a Ferrari painted purple or a Mercedes with those stupid silver rims round the lights .

3. You call this guy 'uncle' and he ends up being you cousin or worse still, your nephew.

2. There are NO cute guys whatsoever.

1. Even if there are, you can't have them.

Well, that's my family gathering because we usually meet up only once a year during Chinese New year.